3-8-13 Smackdown results and thoughts

 Coverage and thoughts on the March 8, 2013 episode of Smackdown

Before the show starts the have a graphic in memory of Bill Moody AKA Paul Bearer. He was really fun to watch and I’ll miss him.

The show starts with Jack Swagger & Zeb Coulter coming to the ring. Swagger welcomes everyone to his America and he is the future world champion. He tells the fans to show some respect for his friend and mentor, a real American & a founding father, Zeb Coulter. Zeb wants everyone in the building to admit something to themselves. He wants them to admit that they all share the same values as him & Jack. The same sense of Patriotism and that they all think alike. The reality of it is that we can see what is wrong with our country but everyone is too scared to do or say anything about it. He asks how many of the fans know someone who has lost a job because of someone snuck across the boarder to take a job because they will work for a few pesos or a pat on the head. This is why he & Jack have become “our” spokesmen. They’ll be “representing” us in writing a new Bill of Rights for legal citizens. Zeb says, “That’s why We the People.” Then Swagger says, “We the People.” Zeb says we the people have had enough. Swagger says that enough is enough. He doesn’t care if the fans like it or not. He’s drawing a line in the sand and is taking America back. Zeb says that if the fans don’t agree that’s because they’re the problem. He & Jack are the solution. Then out come Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez. Del Rio says that Jack & Zeb have got it all wrong but he has the solution. He will show what Jack Swagger’s real America is all about. Then they show a video of Del Rio as Swagger & Ricardo dressed as Coulter. They parody their youtube videos. Ricardo Coulter says the threat of America is Mexican food. Jack Del Rio repeats everything and says that he gets a bit excited. Ricardo says when you walk into a Mexican restaurant “our real American bellies can’t take that kind of food.” Del Rio mentions tacos, burritos and nachos and something (couldn’t make out what it was) Grande. Ricardo Coulter says those aren’t even American words. Like French fries and pizza. Jack Del Rio says he loves pizza. Ricardo Coulter says that’s because Jack Del Rio is a real American. Not like that burrito eating Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio Swagger says, “Let’s get pizza.” Ricardo Coulter says they have to do the line first. Then Jack Del Rio says, “We the People love pizza, tacos, burritos & Cassidias.” Then they both say the we the people line. This was ok for what it was. They’re back to starting the show off with a promo after starting with a match last week. This storyline doesn’t really work at all for me but the Del Rio-Ricardo youtube video was kinda funny.

WWE Tag Team Champions Kane & Daniel Bryan vs. Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre. Kane & Daniel win when Daniel makes Slater tap. This was decent.

Backstage Matt Striker interviews Dolph Ziggler (With Big E & AJ). Striker mentions that the fans chose Dolph to face Del Rio tonight. He asks Dolph for his thoughts. Dolph says last week the fans made their voices heard and the voted for him to face Del Rio tonight. Is it because they wanna see the biggest show stealing match in Smackdown history (We’ve seen this match before and it’s not usually a show stealer)? Dolph says yes. Is it because Swagger & Coulter personally told Dolph earlier in the day that he doesn’t look like he swam through a river of sewage to come to this country? Yes. Most importantly it is about the Money in the Bank case (The case that he can cash in on Del Rio every time he faces him but doesn’t). It’s also about Big E. When all these stars align against Del Rio tonight history will be made. Then AJ says let’s make history. This was a good promo but who is going to take Dolph seriously when they always have him lose? He’s had that case since July, he’s had God knows how many matches with Del Rio, the world champion that he can cash in on and never has and he always loses to him. His making history line was kinda dumb just because he’s booked like a jobber. He might make history as being the most useless guy to hold the Money in the Bank case.

Ryback is backstage and he comes across Mark Henry. They have a stare down before Ryback heads to the ring. This match has gotta happen at WrestleMania.

Brad Maddox is on commentary.

Time for a look back at the Triple H promo from Old School Raw.

Damien Sandow is in the ring. He says that tonight he, the intellectual savior of the unwashed masses will face a barbaric brute. The man that Darwin’s theory of evolution forgot. “SILENCE!” A man rather than choosing to feed his soul with literature and the arts is more than content with feeding…then Ryback’s music hits and he comes out.

Ryback vs. Damien Sandow. Ryback gets the pin. This was a glorified squash. Ryback dominated the whole time.

They show what happened after Raw went off the air. Big Show is still in the ring after the 4 way. Then The Shield comes out and the attack Big Show. Big Show grabbed Ambrose & Rollins by their throats but then Reign spears Big Show. Then they give him the triple power bomb. That was impressive.

Matt Striker interviews Big Show in the locker room. He mentions that after Raw ended Big Show was pummeled not by his opponent for tonight, Sheamus, but by The Shield. Does Big Show have any comments? Big Show doesn’t know what The Shield’s beef is. One of them got in his way and he knocked him out. Big Show’s not a person that chooses sides. If anybody gets in his way he knocks them out. Tonight he is facing Sheamus and he will knock him out too. Big Show blames Sheamus & Randy Orton for what happened on Old School Raw. He says they’re responsible for The Shield attack. Then he makes a fist and says that’s his answer to all of them. Does he need anything else? Striker says no and walks off. I’m not sure why he blames Sheamus & Orton for The Shield attacking him but I thought this was a good intense promo.

World Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler. Del Rio wins by submission.  During the match Big E hit Del Rio. Then Ricardo slapped Big E. Big E stalked him but AJ held him back. Then Ricardo got the bucket and wound up throwing the water on AJ. Then she chased Ricardo around for a bit but Big E picked her up and stopped her. Then the referee sent Big E & AJ to the back. This was a good match but once again Dolph lost to the world champion. You know, the guy that he can cash in on whenever he wants but never does.

Backstage AJ is drying off and Daniel Bryan shows up. He asks what happened to her and she looks like some kind of pony (couldn’t make out what he said). AJ asks if Daniel gets a kick out of seeing her humiliated. Daniel never saw what happened out there but now that she mentions it she did leave him at the alter so he does kind of find it funny. She asks him if he’s really still on that whole wedding thing. AJ doesn’t even care because her boyfriend still has the Money in the Bank contract, which means that soon enough she will be with the world champion. A world champion that knows how to handle a woman like her. The only reason she isn’t with Dolph right now is because she was attacked at ringside. Unlike Daniel she knows how to get along with her partner. Daniel says that he & Kane handle their issues in their own way. While they’re on the subject of memories, Daniel brings up that when he & AJ were together he didn’t just carry around a briefcase. He was world champion. Then AJ mentions that he lost it in 18 seconds. Then Daniel says that with Dolph she should be used to things lasting 18 seconds. This was alright.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Mark Henry. Henry gets the pin. This was a squash.

They show the Donald Trump Hall of Fame video package. UGH!

Backstage Matt Striker interviews Sheamus. Striker mentions that Big Show blames Sheamus for what happened to him Monday. Sheamus isn’t at all surprised because Big Show’s massive ego took a huge dent because of The Shield. Then Sheamus says that as far as Big Show is concerned nothing is ever his fault. Then he says that when Big Show walks down Universal Studios (The now former place that Impact was) all the kids run up to him and call him Shrek. That’s not Big Show’s fault. It’s not his fault when he clogs up every toilet he sits on either or the fact that you can smell 10 miles away because he never washes his gear (this is really idiotic). When he Brogue Kicks Big Show’s head right off his shoulders later that won’t be Big Show’s fault either. It will be Sheamus’. This was terrible. I don’t get why they have Sheamus cut these dumb promos.

Time for a look back at The Rock-John Cena promo from Monday.

Divas Champion Kaitlyn (Layla’s in her corner for some reason) vs. Tamina Snuka. Tamina gets the pin. This was really short. I’m not sure why they had this match again after they had Kaitlyn beat Tamina in a title match at the Elimination Chamber.

They show Cody Rhodes watching on a monitor backstage. Then Damien Sandow comes by. He says that they can discuss strategy for their match with The New Age Outlaws this Monday. Then Cody asks Sandow what he thinks of Kaitlyn. Sandow says she is a commendable in ring performer. Cody asks Sandow what he thinks of her as a woman. Sandow says that she’s made the most of what she considering that she comes from a clearly deficient genetic pool. That was pointless.

Justin Gabriel is in the ring. Then out comes Fandango. Lillian “mispronounced” his name so you know what that means. He says that is unacceptable. He will make his debut when she can say his name right. Then he does the same bit that he did with Striker & Justin Roberts. Then he asks if everyone in the arena is incompetent. He will not compete tonight and the fans can thank “Jillian” on missing out on his “debut.” This gimmick is terrible!

Booker T & Teddy Long are in the GM office. Booker tells Long to go find the “strutting flamingo” and tell him the next time Booker puts him in a match he better compete. Long will tell him and then he asks Booker how you pronounce his name. Booker doesn’t know, it’s Fandango. Then Long says it his name in this idiotic way. Booker shuts him up and tells him to find Fandango Curtis. This was stupid too.

Time for a look back The Undertaker’s return & the 4 way main event from Monday.

Sheamus vs. Big Show. The match goes to a no finish. The Shield came out. Then Randy Orton came to the ring to help Sheamus fight off The Shield but The Shield got the upper hand. Then Big Show went after The Shield. After Sheamus, Big Show & Orton fought The Shield off Big Show gave Sheamus the KO Punch and then Orton gave Big Show an RKO. The match was good and I liked the brawl too. They’re clearly setting up Big Show, Orton & Sheamus vs. The Shield for WrestleMania.

I thought this was a mixed show overall. The opening segment with Del Rio, Ricardo, Swagger & Zeb was the usual “Start Smackdown with a promo” bit. The end was good. I was fine with the match and the brawl was good too. Del Rio-Ziggler was good too but Dolph lost cleanly again to the world champion that he can cash in but never does. The Fandango character is terrible. Kaitlyn-Tamina was short and having Layla out there was odd. I’m really hoping they don’t do something hokey with Cody & Kaitlyn. Ryback-Sandow was a glorified squash. Sandow took a pounding. Tatsu-Henry a quick squash. The Ryback-Henry stare down backstage was cool. That should be interesting to see if they go with that match. Kane & Daniel Bryan vs. Heath & Drew was decent. The Daniel-AJ segment backstage was alright too. The Sheamus promo was stupid. I have no idea why they have Sheamus cut these kind of promos. Big Show’s promo earlier on was good. So on the whole I thought this was a mixed bag show this week.