5-13-13 Raw results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the May 13, 2013 episode of Raw

 The show starts with Jerry Lawler in the ring. He says at Extreme Rules Chris Jericho will face Fandango. In Fandango’s first match, which was at WrestleMania, he accomplished the “impossible.” They show him beating Jericho at WrestleMania. King says there’s been a lot of animosity between the 2 since that night. Fandango’s been showing off his dancing “skills” but Jericho was on Dancing with the Stars. Tonight we will find out who is the better dancer when they meet in a dance off right now. Out come Fandango & Summer Rae. (They’re really starting the show with this? Well I guess it’s better to get this dreck out of the way!). King says that was pretty impressive. Then King brings out Jericho & his dance partner. King says each contestant has a minute & a half to perform a dance routine and the winner will of course be chosen by the fans. King says this isn’t a popularity contest. King mentions that Fandango lost a dance off to Khali. Fandango says he wasn’t defeated by that clumsy guy. That crowed knew nothing of talent. The fans in Tulsa might not like him but they have to respect his performance as an artist. King asks if he’s confident he will beat Jericho tonight. Fandango says as long as there’s a Chris Jericho there will always be someone better and his name is Fandango. King asks Jericho if he has any response. Jericho says this might be a dance of but welcome to Raw is Jericho. Jericho has had a lot of impressive wins on Raw including beating King in musical chairs. Then he outsmarted Bob Barker to become the Price is Raw champion or whatever. Jericho says this Sunday he will create a new dance sensation that will go to number 1 on I tunes. It will be called the I just kicked your jackass all over this ring. This Sunday Jericho will dance all over Fandango’s face & he will never eeeeeeever be the same again. King says earlier in the night there was a coin toss to see who goes first & it will be Fandango. Fandango & Summer Rae do their dance bit. Actually Fandango doesn’t do anything right away because the fans booed him. He tells them he needs to focus and wants silence. (I want this horrible sack of crap to end)! Then Fandango & Rae do their bit but Rae falls & twists her ankle. Fandango tells her to stop messing around. Then Jericho’s dance partner checks on her. Fandango says this has nothing to do with her. The fans chant you suck and boo this crap. Jericho checks on Summer Rae and then Fandango gives Jericho a big boot and pounds on him. Then he throws him into the announce table and then Irish Whips him into the steel steps. The fans chant you can’t dance to Fandango and then he sends Jericho into the barricade. Then he picks up a piece of the dance floor that was set up in the ring & blasts Jericho with it in the head. Then Summer Rae gets up & we find out this all a crappy act! This was f***ing terrible! That’s all I got to say about this! Oh wait 1 more thing. Hey Vince this horrible crap isn’t what ANY fan wants to see!!! Last week the show started with that awful Cena-Ryback-Vickie Guerrero segment & this week it started with this crap fest? I’m not sure which of the 2 was worse!

Zack Ryder vs. Ryback. Ryback gets the pin. This was a squash. No surprise there.

Time for a look back at Lesnar “breaking” Triple H’s arm from last April.

Brodus Clay & Tensai vs. The Primetime Players. The Primetime Players win when Titus pins Brodus. Darren hit Brodus with his comb and then Titus rolled him up for the pin. This was a short match & was surprised Darren & Titus won.

They show Jack Swagger hitting Dolph Ziggler with a ladder from last week’s Raw and then they show Swagger kicking Dolph in the head from Smackdown. The commentators say that Dolph got a concussion. There will be announcement regarding the world title match tonight.

Matt Striker is on the stage & he brings out Teddy Long. Striker says wwe.com is reporting that Dolph will not be cleared to wrestle for Extreme Rules. Long has made a decision about what to do about this match. Out come Jack & Zeb. Zeb says that if Dolph can’t wrestle then Swagger should be champion since he laid out Dolph. Big E says the title isn’t going anywhere. AJ says Swagger shouldn’t be rewarded. She says that Swagger should be fired. Long says Dolph will not be stripped of the title. Swagger will face Del Rio in a number 1 contenders “I Quit” match. Also tonight, Big E will face either Del Rio or Swagger. That decision will made by the fans who vote on the App. This was a bit better than what we’ve seen but it wasn’t great. I’m really hoping that Dolph will be ok soon!

They announce that Kofi Kingston will defend the U.S. Title against Dean Ambrose at Extreme Rules. They mention that this match came to be because Ambrose pinned Kofi in the 6 man tag last week. News flash WWE. A few weeks ago Roman Reigns pinned John Cena, you know the WWE Champion in a 6 man tag. Doesn’t that mean Reigns should get a WWE Title match? I know that’s too logical for WWE but I’m just saying!

Out comes Damien Sandow. He will not sing tonight because Kofi’s song much like his U.S. Title reign is foolish. The founding fathers were all men of their words. Sandow tells Kofi to mark his word. He says that Kofi’s reign as U.S. Champion will come to an end. You’re welcome

U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow. Kofi gets the pin. This was a decent but short match. I have no idea why Sandow is being buried.

Mark Henry is in the ring. Josh Mathews says in 6 nights Mark goes 1 on 1 with Sheamus in strap match. Time for a look at how this match came to be. They show Mark Henry whipping Sheamus with a belt from last Monday. Henry says if you thought what happened last week was something then wait till you see what he does to Sheamus at Extreme Rules. If you don’t think he will drag Sheamus’ carcass around this ring then have a look at what he did on Smackdown. Then they show Henry pulling the 2 trucks from Smackdown. Josh says that was incredible but how will he beat Sheamus? Henry will show us. He tells Josh to tie the strap to his wrist. Henry says 2 men will be bound by a 12 foot strap. Then Henry clotheslines Josh. Then he says you walk around this ring & touch all 4 corners, which he does as he drags Josh around. That’s how you win. Then Henry pulls the strap of Josh’s wrist. Henry is feeling generous. How about Sheamus comes out here right now & let Henry finish what he started last week. Henry hasn’t got all day. Henry says Sheamus knows where his bread is buttered. You don’t come out when the World’s strongest man…Cue Sheamus’ music and out he comes. He says that Mark might be strong but he’s not that bright. If what Henry did to him was going to stop him from being at Extreme Rules, Mark’s wrong. Henry tells Sheamus to get in the ring. Sheamus asks Henry if he thinks this is a fair fight. Then Henry calls him a coward. Sheamus says he’s never backed down from a fight & Mark just talked him into it. Sheamus tells “lumpy” to back up so he can get in the ring. Then Sheamus says that he has a present for Henry under the ring. He takes out a strap. Then he gets in the ring & hits Henry with it. Henry then rolls out of the ring. This was weak. They had Sheamus again take this too lightly. Henry was good here though.

Time for a look back at the Raw from January where Brock gave Vince the F5.

Now time for a look at 12 Rounds 2 starring Randy Orton.

Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro. Orton gets the pin. This was a decent match but I knew but I knew Orton was winning. I don’t know why they’re burying Cesaro either!

The Miz vs. Heath Slater. Miz wins by submission. This was ok but I knew Miz was winning.

Time for a look back at the awesome HHH-Lesnar brawl from a Raw in February.

Just announced for Extreme Rules: Kane & Daniel Bryan defend the tag title against Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins in a tornado match.

WWE Champion John Cena and WWE Tag Team Champions Kane & Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield in a 6 man tag team elimination match. Cena wins by DQ. * Kane was eliminated by DQ. He brawled with The Shield on the floor. He took the top of the announce table & hit Ambrose with it * Ambrose pinned Daniel * Cena pinned Rollins * Reigns was eliminated by DQ when he pushed the referee out of the way & speared Cena (LAME!). * Ambrose is eliminated by DQ when Rollins & Reigns come in. Cena had Ambrose in the STF and then Rollins & Reigns attacked Cena. Afterwards The Shield gives Cena the triple power bomb. Then Ryback comes out & gets in the ring. He stares at the fallen Cena and then leaves the ring. Then he gets a chair, gets back in the ring & hits Cena in the injured ankle with the chair. Then Ryback is on the stage & says it’s his life & his rules. Ryback rules. This was a really good match. I liked that they didn’t have the eliminations happen right away, but Reigns be eliminated by DQ from a spear was lame. I’m glad the didn’t have Cena vanquish all 3 Shield guys by himself! I was even ok with Ryback coming in & hitting Cena in the ankle with a chair. Too bad the Cena-Ryback match has had such a weak build.

Time for some still shots of the HHH-Brock Lesnar no holds barred match from WrestleMania. 

Backstage Matt Striker comes up to Ryback but Ryback cuts him off & says he’s tried doing the right thing but he was screwed out of the WWE Title. This Sunday Cena & everyone will know that Ryback rules. That catchphrase is lame.

Big E Langston & AJ Lee come to the ring. Who will Big E face next? Lawler gets the mic & says it’s time to find out who the fans picked. They picked Swagger. I gotta admit I was kinda surprised that the fans voted for the heel.

Big E Langston vs. Jack Swagger. Swagger wins by count out. This was decent. Then Del Rio & comes out & he & Swagger go at it. Swagger gets the ankle lock on Del Rio but then Ricardo hits Swagger with the bucket. Then Swagger lets Del Rio have it. Then Del Rio locks Swagger in the cross arm breaker. Then Big E breaks that up and then he goes after Swagger. Then Del Rio gives Big E an enziguri. Then Swagger goes for the doctor bomb on Del Rio but Del Rio escapes & clotheslines Swagger over the top rope to the floor.

Kaitlyn & The Bellas are on commentary for the next match. Khali & Hornswoggle are also at ringside.

 Natalya vs. AJ Lee. AJ wins by submission. This was ok & AJ pulled the octopus submission hold. Kaitlyn also got another gift from her unknown admirer.

Backstage Matt Striker is with Jericho. He asks Jericho if he felt foolish about what happened at the start of the show. Jericho blames himself for what happened. He will no longer play by other people’s rules. There will be no more jokes. He knows how to say Fandango’s name. Jericho is a 6 time world champion & has done it all in WWE. This Sunday if Fandango wants to dance Jericho will teach him Chris Jericho style.

Triple H comes to the ring. Then the cage lowers. Break time.

Back from break & HHH is in the cage. He says he & Brock have been at war for a year. They’ve bled & broken bones but they haven’t settled anything. This Sunday everything will be settled. The ring is his home. He grew up in the ring & he learned to fight & be a man in the ring. But he was told by a guy who respected him that he had to learn to hate and he has. He has learned to also thrive on that hate. He says that Brock is here, he’s here, the fans are here & more importantly the steel is here. Nowhere did he feel more at home than in the ring when it was surrounded by steel. HHH is home, why doesn’t Brock try to come & take it. Out come Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman. Heyman starts to say who he is but HHH tells him to zip it. Then he tells Brock to get in the ring & “let’s do this.” Heyman says he & Brock are about those perverse pleasures in life. Like HHH using the word hate, which is a forbidden word in WWE. HHH & Brock hate each other & this Sunday Brock will teach HHH the true meaning of hate because Brock is a cage fighting carnivore & HHH is the biggest slab of meet in WWE. After Sunday HHH will hate facing his family after Brock leaves him battered & disfigured. He will hate facing Vince for letting down the fans. One man will emerge from this war & 1 man will have to face the fact that they will go down in history as the loser. The guy who will be the loser will be HHH & Heyman knows HHH will hate that. Brock is ready for a fight. A fight that we’ll have to wait till Sunday for because Brock doesn’t for free. HHH then says all this time he’s been thinking why Brock wouldn’t face him like a man. Hunter says the truth is it has nothing to do with Brock, it’s because Heyman can’t afford him to do that. At Mania HHH did the unthinkable by knocking Brock out cold & beating him. Heyman knows if Brock gets in this cage right now & maybe HHH kicks his ass one more time that wouldn’t bode too well for Heyman. Even worse if HHH beats Brock Sunday the sound will be Brock’s mystic flying out the window. HHH says Brock still believes that he is the baddest man standing out there, but Heyman doesn’t. HHH isn’t talking to Heyman any longer. He asks Brock if he is going to try to show the world that he is Brock Lesnar the beast, or will he listen to Heyman & be Brock the b**ch. Brock makes his way to the ring & Heyman tries to stop him as do referees. Brock goes to get in the cage as Heyman begs him not to. Then Brock gets in the cage. Hunter & Brock go face to face and then the go at it. Then Brock goes to hit HHH against the cage but HHH moved & sent Brock head first into it. Then HHH sends Brock out the cage door. Then Brock & Heyman head up the ramp. HHH climbs the cage & he stares down Brock as his theme music plays. This ends the show. This was really good. They did a great job with the final build to this match & I hope this match closing the Extreme Rules PPV.

I thought this a very mixed bag show this week. The Jericho-Fandango dance off was awful & a total waste of 20 minutes. The HHH-Brock bit at the end however was really well done. HHH cut a really intense promo & of course Heyman’s promo was great too. Then having Hunter & Brock go at it in the cage for that short bit was also good. The 6 man elimination tag was also a good match. I liked that the eliminations weren’t right away & there was some good action in this 1. I thought the way Reigns got eliminated was kinda weak but aside from that I enjoyed the match. I’m also glad that they didn’t have Cena beat The Shield on his own. I was also ok with Ryback hitting Cena in the injured ankle with the chair. The Tons of Funk-Primetime Players match was really short but I wasn’t expecting Darren & Titus to win, Kofi-Sandow was decent but short & I don’t know why they’ve de pushed Sandow. Both Orton-Cesaro & Miz-Slater were decent but I knew who was winning those matches. I’m also not sure why Cesaro has been de pushed either. Ryder-Ryback was a squash. No shocker there. The bit with Swagger, Coulter, Big E, AJ & Teddy Long on the stage was decent too & I liked that he announced Del Rio vs. Swagger in a number 1 contenders “I Quit” match at Extreme Rules. I’m really hoping that Dolph recovers from this concussion soon too! I was surprised that the fans picked Swagger to face Big but the match was decent & I was ok with the count out finish. Natalya-AJ was ok too & I liked that AJ used the Octopus submission hold for the win. Mark Henry dragging Josh Mathews around the ring wasn’t really much & The Sheamus-Mark Henry segment was kinda weak. I thought Henry was good here but I don’t get why they’re having Sheamus take him so lightly. Overall I thought this week’s show had its up & downs for sure but I thought they did a decent job with the final Raw build for Extreme Rules.

5-10-13 Smackdown results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the May 10, 2013 episode of Smackdown

The show starts with Chris Jericho in the ring for the Highlight Reel. He welcomes everyone and then says that his guest tonight in 9 days will challenge John Cena for the WWE Title in a last man standing match. He brings out the man, the monster (He sure hasn’t been booked like on since being turned heel) Ryback. Jericho says that Ryback has made some incredible waves over the last few months & that all started the night after WrestleMania when he attacked Cena (I thought it started way before that) & announced his intentions to beat him for the title. On the Highlight Reel people know that Jericho likes to stir things up & mess with his guest but tonight things are a bit different because when it comes to Cena Jericho sees where Ryback is coming from. Ryback says that he doesn’t need Jericho’s approval on what he did. Jericho tells him that since this is his show Ryback will have to listen to him talk. Jericho knows what Ryback is doing but how many times was Ryback screwed out of the WWE Title? How many times was Ryback attacked by The Shield? How many times was what Ryback really wanted taken out of his grasp? Ryback asks Jericho what his point is. Jericho point is that Ryback keeps talking about Ryback rules. Jericho wants to know what Ryback’s rules are. He’s sure they’re not don’t eat carbs or don’t go swimming till 3o minutes after you’ve eaten (Why does every baby face have to have these corny lines?). Jericho thinks Ryback’s rules are much simpler. Jericho thinks that Ryback’s rules are that he will do whatever it takes to win. He will do whatever it takes to get to the top & win the WWE Title. Jericho gets where Ryback is coming from because he’s done the same thing himself. Jericho’s been champion 6 times & to do that he developed a chip on his shoulder bigger than Big Show. He had enemies everywhere in this company, whether it was John Cena, Shawn Michaels or “Bob ‘Flippin’ Barker.” It didn’t matter. If you weren’t with Jericho you were against him. Then Ryback says that this is the part where Jericho says that he’s seen the error of his ways & yet he judges Ryback for doing a selfish thing. Ryback takes care of himself. Jericho gets that & he isn’t judging Ryback. But by the sound of things the fans are judging Ryback. The Jerichoholics in here tonight are judging Ryback (Even though there wasn’t any noise from the crowed). Jericho says that the fans are booing Ryback because they get the difference between what it takes to beat Rock & Austin in the same night to become the undisputed champion & beating a 1 legged Cena in a last man standing match (That really made no sense). Maybe the ends justify the means. Maybe Ryback will get what he wants. Maybe Ryback would rather be the type of cowardly champion that cuts corners & takes the easy way out (Isn’t that what all WWE heels do?) rather than being the nice guy who always finishes second. Jericho tells Ryback to be careful what he wishes for because Ryback could win the WWE Title at Extreme Rules but if he does win the title he will lose the respect of the fans (That doesn’t make sense either). Ryback tells Jericho that he talks way too much. What makes Jericho think that Ryback won’t drop him right here right now? Jericho says that he’s looking in Ryback’s eyes & he doesn’t think that Ryback will do a damn thing. Out comes Teddy Long. He tells Jericho & Ryback that’s not the way it’s going to go down. If they have some business that they wanna settle they will do it in tonight’s main event. So tonight in a first Ryback will go 1 on 1 with Jericho. Then Ryback punches Jericho & he falls to the canvas. This was a weak segment & the predictable “2 guys are in the ring having issues & the GM comes out & books a match for the end of the show” bit that starts off Smackdown almost every week. Also what was up with Jericho saying there was a difference between doing whatever it takes to beat Rock & Austin and beating a 1 legged Cena? That made no sense & neither did Jericho saying that if Ryback becomes champion than the fans won’t respect him. WHAT!?

U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes. Kofi gets the pin. This was a decent match but was kind of short.

Time for a look back at Brock Lesnar trashing Triple H’s “office” followed by the HHH promo.

Backstage Renee Young interviews Jack Swagger & Zeb Coulter. She wants to take them back to what happened on Raw. Zeb says he will save “Reba” a lot of time from asking him some lame media question. He will tell her everything that she needs to know. It’s no secret that Dolph Ziggler a man of questionable moral character won the Money in the Bank ladder match last year. We also know how much experience Del Rio has with ladders. Jack Swagger served a statement Monday night because he took out 4 guys & tonight Swagger will serve another statement on little Blondie’s body guard Big E Langston. Jack & Zeb both this has been a long process but at Extreme Rules every step that Jack takes up that ladder every American will be 1 step closer to achieving their  goals. The American way is working hard & staying true to your beliefs through all adversity & criticism & taking a step at a time. Step 1 winning the world title. Step 2 is to take our country back. Swagger says we the people. This was the same kind of promo we’ve been getting from Zeb.

Jack Swagger vs. Big E Langston never starts because Alberto Del Rio, who is on commentary for the next match gets a ladder from under the ring & slides it into the ring. Dolph goes for the ladder but Swagger kicks him away. Then Swagger & Big have a tug of war over the ladder. As that’s happening Zeb hits Big E in the back of the head & Big E turns around. That allows Swagger to hit Big E in the gut with the ladder and then he clotheslines him over the top rope to the floor. Then Dolph comes back in & nails Swagger. Then Dolph picks up the ladder, throws it to Swagger and then Dolph drop kicks the ladder face first into Swagger. Then Zeb tries to sneak in & get the ladder but Dolph baseball slides him into the barricade. Then Del Rio gets in the ring & knocks down Dolph. Then he kicks him in the head and then when Dolph gets up Del Rio hits him with the ladder. Then Del Rio goes outside the ring & throws the ladder at Swagger. Then Del Rio sets up the ladder in the ring, grabs the world title & climbs the ladder. This was solid.

WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose. Ambrose wins by DQ. Daniel had Ambrose in the no lock. Reigns tries to get into the ring but Kane stops him. That distracts the referee and then Rollins comes in & kicks Daniel. Then Rollins & Reigns go after Kane but Kane fights back. In the ring Ambrose has Daniel in a head lock. Then Kofi Kingston comes in & takes Down Ambrose. That led to the DQ finish. Kofi continues to pound on Ambrose and then Daniel & Rollins go at it in the ring while Kane throws Reigns over the barricade. Then Daniels chucks Rollins over the top and then Kofi does the same to Ambrose. Ambrose land on the apron & Kofi gives him Trouble in Paradise, sending Ambrose to the floor. The Shield retreats as Kane, Daniel & Kofi pose. The match was good & I liked the post match brawl too. It looks like Kofi will be teaming with Kane & Daniel to face The Shield.

They show a video from “earlier in the day”. Mark Henry is outside the arena & is hooked to the front of a truck & he pulls it over the yellow line. Damien Sandow & The Primetime players cheered on Henry.

They show some pictures of the welts on Sheamus from the Mark Henry whipping on Monday.

Mark Henry is in the parking lot set to pull a truck again. Damien Sandow & The Primetime Players are there to cheer him on again. Henry is hooked to 2 trucks this time and then Matt Striker comes by. Striker tells Mark that for the past few weeks he has impressed the fans with his unbelievable strength. Earlier Henry pulled 1 tractor trailer & now tonight it looks like Henry will attempt to make history by pulling 2. They weigh over 100,000 pounds & Henry will attempt to pull them 20 feet across the finish line. Henry says there have been a lot of strong men that have pulled trucks, boats, trolleys & busses but there isn’t anyone on God’s green Earth that has ever pulled 2 tractor trailers. Earlier was just an example of what he can do but tonight this is a demonstration of how he will pull Sheamus like a rag doll. At Extreme Rules all 4 corners will be touched. Then he tells Striker to get out of his way while he makes history. Striker asks Henry if he’s sure he can accomplish this. Mark yells at Striker to move. Henry tries a few times but has no luck. Then Striker asks if Henry has any comments since he seems to be struggling. Henry says that Striker doesn’t think he can do it. It doesn’t matter. The people in the building don’t think that he can do it. Then he yells at Striker to get out of his way. Then he gets the trailers over the finish line. Then Henry screams that’s what he does. Henry has some water and the Lillian says let’s hear it for Mark Henry. This was a bit long & kinda boring. I don’t get why they have Henry do these challenges to show how strong he is. We already know that he is a strong guy!

Time for a look back at the Cena-Ryback scenario from Monday.

Backstage Renee Young interviews Randy Orton. They show Big Show giving Orton the KO punch from Monday. Then Renee says that Big Show knocked him out on Monday just like he did at WrestleMania. What is Orton’s message to Big Show? Orton says we all know that he isn’t the most trusting type but at WrestleMania he vouched for Big Show. That got him knocked out not once but twice. You mess with the viper you’re gonna get bit. The bigger the prey the more venomous that bight is. Orton’s message to Big Show is that at Extreme Rules there will be no antidote for what he does to Big Show. This was short & decent.

Tensai vs. Big Show. Big Show gets the pin. This was a short match. Tensai got most of the offense in before Big Show gave him the KO punch for the pin. Then Brodus checks on Tensai but Big Show grabs Brodus. Brodus fights off Big Show for a bit and then Big Show spears him. Then he was going to KO Brodus but then Orton comes in & gives Big Show an RKO. That was predictable.

Backstage we see Kaitlyn sending a text. AJ literally bumps into her & AJ asks if Kaitlyn is texting her mom. AJ misses Susan, she’s so sweet. Kaitlyn tells her that she’s texting her secret admirer. AJ asks if Kaitlyn’s figured what desperate soul has been “slumming it lately” & sending her ugly hats. Kaitlyn says that maybe it’s Dolph. Maybe Dolph is tired of little spider monkeys & is ready for a real woman. AJ doesn’t think that real woman are supposed to bench press more than a man because that’s terrifying or something like I have no idea, who cares? Kaitlyn then asks AJ if a real woman has soulless eyes & the body of a 10 year old boy. Then Natalya comes by & asks if there’s a problem here. AJ says, “Later gentlemen” & walks off. Then Natalya asks Kaitlyn what’s with this new man of hers? Kaitlyn says that he’s not her man. She doesn’t even know who he is. It was so sweet of him to send her that Simpsons stuff Monday but it is driving her crazy that she doesn’t know who it is. Then Khali shows up & Kaitlyn asks if he found out anything. Natalya starts to yap & Kaitlyn tells her to turn around because Khali is standing right behind her. They show that Khali is wearing a Rey Mysterio mask & he says Rey’s name and then the “booyka” 619 bit. Khali then takes the mask off & says it’s him. Then he asks if Natalya thought it was Rey (Like anybody could get those 2 confused). Natalya says that she totally thought it was Rey (Yeah right). Then Kaitlyn asks Natalya if there’s a way that she can tell Khali that just because he is under cover doesn’t mean that he has to be in a costume. Natalya says that he is trying so hard & wants to help out. Kaitlyn says that if he can keep his ears open in the locker room for her that would be great. Natalya has Kaitlyn’s back. Kaitlyn walks off and then Natalya tells Khali that he doesn’t have to go under cover & he doesn’t have to look like Cody Rhodes (I’m at a loss for words). Then the camera show Khali wearing a mustache. This was terrible! I have no idea what the point if this is, if there even is a point to this. He Vince, this crap isn’t funny! It’s beyond stupid!

Chris Jericho vs. Ryback. Jericho wins by DQ when Ryback crotches Jericho on the ring post. That was a lame ending. Then Ryback clotheslines Jericho onto the announce table & Jericho falls off. Then Ryback pounds on his chest, says Ryback rules and then walks out to end the show. The match was solid but the finish was lame. I was ok with Ryback lying out Jericho afterwards though.

I thought this was a really weak show overall. The Highlight reel segment was long & predictable. The main event was solid but I wasn’t into the finish. The Kaytlin-AJ/Kaytlin-Natalya-Khali bit was awful. Tensai-Big Show was short & Orton giving Big Show an RKO was predictable. I thought Mark Henry dragging the tractor trailers was meaningless too. We know how strong Mark Henry is. They don’t have to keep having him in these bits. Daniel-Ambrose was good & I liked the post match brawl too. The Del Rio-Swagger-Dolph brawl was also good. On the whole though I thought this wasn’t much of a show.

5-9-13 Impact results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the May 9, 2013 episode of Impact

The show starts with Sting & Kurt Angle coming to the ring. Sting says on June 2 he will be at Slammiversary as the number 1 contender for the world title. Bully Ray conducted a plan to fool everyone (Even though no one was) and he succeeded and is now champion. Sting’s plan is to take the title. He doesn’t wanna wait till then. He asked for Hulk’s permission for a 6 man tag tonight (Because for some reason he always has to get Hulk’s ok). Sting had to go for the best of the best, so he went straight to Kurt Angle. Angle says he was fooled just like everyone (No one was fooled by Ray’s very obvious heel turn!) but last week he made D’Lo say, “I Quit” but that’s just the start of the pain that’s coming. Angle tells AJ to come out because he has something to ask him. (Haven’t we seen this before)? Out comes AJ. Angle tells AJ that he & Sting are ready for war. Will AJ join them in the fight against Aces & 8s? The fans chant yes. Angle’s tired of asking; now he’s demanding AJ give an answer. Then Sting says he’s been in AJ’s shoes & he talks about hiding in the rafters. AJ has to the right thing. Aces & 8s are taking TNA apart & they need AJ Styles. The roar of the crowed is the house that AJ Styles built. Sting knows AJ wants to tag with him & Angle & take out Aces & 8s, so let’s make it happen for the house that AJ built. Angle says he’s tired of this crap (So am I) and tells AJ, “You’re either with us or against us!” AJ walks out & Angle goes after him. Then they exchange blows on the stage and then Angle takes AJ down. As they go at it Aces & 8s sneak up behind Sting & then Ray & Devon give him 3D. Then Angle comes in the ring as Aces & 8s bail. This was the same old crap we’ve been getting for about a month. This was just so predictable.

Backstage camera guy asks AJ if he will leave Sting & Angle high & dry. AJ walks out the door.

Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky & Mickie James vs. Gail Kim & Tara. Velvet & Mickie win when Velvet pins Tara. This wasn’t much. Afterwards Gail gets in Tara’s face and then clotheslines her. Then Gail gives Tara the turnbuckle figure 4.

Backstage Ray says another icon bights the dust. D’Lo comes in & Ray says they have some club business to attend to in the ring. Looks like D’Lo’s gonna be out of Aces & 8s.

Backstage Daniels & Kaz come into James Storm’s dressing room. They brought him a 6 pack to remind him of Roode hitting him with a beer bottle. They pretty much try to talk him into reforming Fortune, but without Roode. This was decent.

Aces & 8s come to the ring. Ray says by now we should know who they are. They’re Aces & 8s. Tonight Ray, Devon & Mr. Anderson will take on Angle, Sting & their mystery guy. They know it won’t be AJ. To any of the wrestlers who think they might be the hero tonight not to bother because they don’t want any part of Aces & 8s. This brings Ray to club business. He tells D’Lo a couple weeks ago (It was 2 weeks ago but it aired last week) D’Lo disgraced himself & the club. Ray tells D’Lo to turn in his colors right now. D’Lo says no. Ray tells D’Lo that he will take the colors off. D’Lo says his cut is his life (Whatever that means). Then Anderson screams at D’Lo & calls him a quitter. Ray says D’Lo quit on himself & his brothers and now he’s gonna cry about it. How will D’Lo earn back his stripes? D’Lo wants to kick Magnus ass tonight. Ray tells D’Lo to sit with the time keeper & watch Doc kick Magnus’ ass & D’Lo better hope Doc does that so D’Lo can get his colors back. Out comes Magnus. He will face Doc next. This made no sense! Why would D’Lo wanna be a part of a stable that was looking to kick him out?

Magnus vs. Doc. Magnus gets the pin. This was decent. During the match Doc distracted the referee & D’Lo pulled Magnus out of the ring & sent him into the guard rail. Then he went for an Irish Whip but Magnus reversed it & sent D’Lo in the steel steps. Then the finish came when Magnus sent Doc into the ropes & D’Lo tripped Doc, thinking it was Magnus. That allowed Magnus to get the roll up for the pin. The match was ok but it was more of a back drop to the D’Lo story.

Backstage Doc is all pissed & D’Lo says that he is sorry. Ray yells at him and then the rest of Aces & 8s beat down D’Lo. Ray says D’Lo can’t do his job right. Ray should bash him with the hammer. Anderson says to give him a job that he can do. Ray tells him that he’s pretty much their errand boy. This was awful.

Cut to Hulk, Angle & Sting. Hulk wants to be their partner. Sting & Angle mention that the Dr. says he can’t go. Hulk got a wild card call today & if this guy is who he says he is they won’t have to worry, because this guy will come in & destroy Aces & 8s. Sting says the third guy needs to be Magnus. Angle agrees. Hulk says if they believe in Magnus then Hulk is good with it. This was terrible too.

Cut to Aries & Roode. They walk up to James Storm. They give him a beer. Roode tells Storm he was jealous of him when they were a team. Storm asks Aries if he told him to say that. Storm says word going around the locker room is that Aries beating Roode wasn’t a fluke. This was decent but having 3 backstage segments in a row is too much!

James Storm comes to the ring & will referee the tag match next.

Christopher Daniels & Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode. The match ends in a no finish. Daniels rolled up Aries but hooked the tights but Storm caught him. Then while Storm argued with Daniels, Aries got a beer bottle and drank some. Then Storm took it & has a chug. Then Aries shoved Storm & Storm was going to super kick Aries but Aries got out of the way & Storm wound up super kicking Daniels. Then Aries covered Daniels with his foot. Storm reluctantly counted but stopped at 2. Then he gave Austin Aries a super kick. Then Storm walked out to his them music. Yes that was the “finish!” The match was good but the finish was lame!

Backstage Aces & 8s beat down Magnus. Magnus fights back but they get the upper hand.

They show a video package hyping the return of Suicide.

Then they show a video package recapping Chris Sabin’s return match from last Thursday.

Kenny King comes to the ring. He says he is the X Division Champion. Some might say how did he get that belt so fast. Ever since he’s been in that ring he’s been outstanding. Now he has to beat 2 guys, but he always beats the odds. He came out here to talk about a guy who doesn’t know what quitting means. It is his honor to introduce former X Division Champion Chris Sabin. Sabin comes out. Kenny says it would mean a lot if Sabin told us his story. Sabin says for the last 2 years he was physical rehab & his basement. Kenny has no idea about the fighting spirit that lives inside Sabin. Sabin has nothing to lose & every time he gets in the ring he will treat it like it’s the last. He tells Kenny to enjoy the belt while he can because He is taking it next week. Kenny says Sabin is a champ in his eyes & it would mean a lot to him if Sabin got to hold the belt 1 more time. He wants Sabin to hold it because that is the closest Sabin will get to being X Champion. If Sabin hadn’t been injured he still couldn’t beat Kenny King. He tells Sabin to give him back his belt. Sabin decks him & Kenny bails. This was solid but there’s been way too much talking on this show.

Backstage we see Daniels & Kazarian arguing with Aries & Roode and we also see that James Storm has been knocked out. Referees check on Storm. There sure have been a lot of backstage segments tonight.

They have a video package on the Bound for Glory series. This year the 4 Gut Check contestants winners Alex Silva, Sam Shaw, Christian York & Jay Bradley will be in a 4 man tournament. & the winner gets in the BFG series. That begins next week.

Backstage Ray says not everyone in the club is thrilled with the treatment of D’Lo but they have to do what’s best for this club. They have to eliminate the weak. Time for Ray, Devon & Anderson to take care of business in the ring. Knox asks what Ray has in mind for D’Lo. Ray tells Knox to tell D’Lo to put some beer on ice & wash their bikes because after the show they’re going to look for some women. This was stupid.

Cut to Angle & Sting. Angle says they’re out of time. They head to the ring as Hulk is on the phone asking whoever if he will show up.

Kurt Angle & Sting vs. TNA World Champion Bully Ray, TV Champion Devon & Ken Anderson. They cut to backstage during the match & we see that Aces & 8s have been laid out. Later in the match Devon brought a table into the ring. The former Dudley Boys set it up. Then someone’s music plays and out comes the returning Abyss. He choke slams Anderson through the table and then gives Devon a black hole slam for the win. So Sting, Angle & Abyss get the win. The match was solid & I have to admit I wasn’t expecting the Abyss character to return.

I thought most of this week’s show was very lackluster. There was too much talk & too many backstage segments. The opening bit was a typical way the show starts. The main event was solid & I wasn’t expecting the return of the Abyss character, so that was a nice surprise. Daniels & Kaz vs. Aries & Roode was good but having no finish was lame! The Sabin-Kenny segment was solid too but there had been too much talking by this point for me. I like that they’ll be having the 4 gut check winners be in a mini tournament to see who will be in the Bound for Glory series. The Aces & 8s segments were all terrible in my opinion. I wasn’t at all surprised that they gave D’Lo the business but D’Lo now being at the bottom of the ladder as opposed to being kicked out of the stable is odd. The knockouts tag match wasn’t much but I was ok with Gail Kim giving Tara the turnbuckle figure 4 afterwards. It looks like Tara will be turning face & feud with Gail. Having Storm lying on the floor backstage as Daniels, Kazarian, Aries & Roode surrounded him & was ok. Overall though I wasn’t into this week’s show.

5-6-13 Raw results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the May 6, 2013 episode of Raw

  The show starts with John Cena coming to the ring. He says there is unrest in the WWE Universe. Everyone has questions and he will answer them by taking a page out of Daniel Bryan’s book. Was competing last week a good idea? No. Will he still face Ryback? Yes. After Ryback stared him down on the stage last week he isn’t sure what Ryback’s plans are. Then he says that Ryback is ready to do the Fandango. (This is typical Cena & it is so f’n stupid). Cena says that he is a WWE super star & is the current WWE Champion. As long as he is medically cleared his job is to get in the ring every week & do his best. He hasn’t been at 100% since 2002 but that won’t stop from defending the title. At Extreme Rules Ryback will realize that the champ is here. Out comes Vickie Guerrero. She tells Cena she’s excited he will defend the title at Extreme Rules. This PPV is going to be extreme. HHH will face Lesnar in a steel cage & Dolph will defend the world title in a triple threat ladder match. She expects the WWE Title match will be nothing less than extreme. She wouldn’t add a stipulation to the match without Cena’s & Ryback’s ok. She brings out Ryback. Vickie lets Cena pick a stipulation. Cena wants to be fair to Ryback, so how about the person who runs out of the building win. How about a whine off? Then he mimics Ryback. (Man this beyond stupid! What the F is Vince thinking?)! Cena doesn’t care what kind of match it is. All he wants is a chance to fight and to shut up the World’s largest complainer. Vickie tells Ryback she didn’t appreciate him walking out last week but he’s lucky that Cena let him pick the stipulation for their match. Ryback says Cena letting him do that was stupid. Cena shows that his foot doesn’t hurt as much as Ryback thinks. Ryback’s not fighting Cena tonight. He’s smart enough to walk away from a fight when the timing is wrong. He says it is ironic that Cena’s Achilles heel is his Achilles heel but Cena’s real Achilles heel is his pride & ego. After Extreme Rules everyone will know that Ryback Rules. In 2 weeks Cena won’t be able to answer the 10 count. Ryback picks a last ma standing match. This was a really crappy ass way to start the show! Why do they always have Cena cut these stupid promos!? Also why did they turn Ryback heel!?

Michael Cole mentions Lesnar & Heyman going into WWE HQ & a still shot.

Damien Sandow comes to the ring. He has a song for us. He sings his own version of Orton’s theme music. That was actually pretty decent.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow. Orton gets the pin. This wasn’t much. Sandow took a pounding. I’m not sure why they’re de pushing Sandow. Typical WWE booking.

Then as Orton walks up the stage, Big Show hits Orton with the KO punch. Referees come to check on Orton.

Chris Jericho comes to the ring. He welcomes everyone to Raw is Jericho. We know Fan "dumbo” is coming out next so he has put together a judge’s panel to critique Fandango’s performance. He's found to guys who can kick some butt & shake some booty. Naturally the other 2 judges are Tensai & Brodus Clay. Then out come Fandango & his chick (I think it’s Summer Rae).  Brodus & Tensai each give his entrance a 2 & Jericho gives it a 1. Then Fandango asks Jericho who he thinks he is to judge him? Just because he was on dancing with the stars and failed doesn’t make him an expert. Then out comes R-Truth.

R-Truth vs. Fandango. R-Truth wins by count out when Fandango walks out. Truth gave Fandango a scissors kick and then Fandango rolled out of the ring and then Truth danced. Of course all 3 guys give Truth a 10. Then Fandango walked out & got counted out. This sucked! So far this week’s show has been painful!   

They show another still shot of Lesnar & Heyman.

Time for a look back at the finish of the really good Daniel Bryan-Ryback match from Smackdown, followed by Daniel being attacked by The Shield.

Josh Mathews interviews Daniel Bryan. He asks Daniel who he’s doing. Daniel’s ok. The Shield likes to throw around the word justice, but no one is buying it. They use that word to justify 3 on 1 attacks. Tonight Daniel will prove that it will take more than a Shield ambush. He’s challenging Ryback to a rematch. Then Ryback comes in & says Daniel’s in no condition for a rematch so his answer is no. Even if Daniel were healthy he would destroy him again because Daniel is half the man he is. Then Kane comes in. He asks Ryback if he thinks that he is half the man Ryback is. Ryback says that Kane isn’t the monster he used to be. There’s only 1 monster in WWE. Ryback rules. Daniel was good here & I was ok with Kane coming in but this whole Ryback rules bit is terrible.

Alberto Del Rio vs. World Champion Dolph Ziggler. Del Rio wins by DQ. During the match Jack Swagger’s music played and he & Zeb Coulter came out. This of course distracted Del Rio because EVERY TIME someone’s music plays some one in the match has to get distracted by it! Jack & Zeb stared down Big E and then they made their way to the announce table. & Coulter put on a head set. Later in the match Del Rio got Dolph in the cross arm breaker. AJ distracted the referee & Big E yanked Dolph out of the ring & threw him into Swagger & the referee called for the bell. Then Swagger sent Big E into the ring post. Then he got a ladder out from under the ring. Ricardo climbed onto Swagger’s back & Swagger used the ladder to push Ricardo into the barricade nailed Ricardo with it. Then he got in the ring & hit Dolph with the ladder and then he hit Del Rio with it too. This was a solid match & I liked the post match brawl & Swagger using the ladder.

They show more pics of Brock & Heyman.

They show a video package focusing on WWE teaming up with Yahoo.

Backstage we see Kaitlyn, Naomi & Cameron. Apparently they have a match with AJ & the Bellas. Then Kaitlyn’s phone makes a weird noise. It’s a text of the mystery admirer. The other 2 think he’s a stalker. Then Natalya comes in & wants to know who this guy is. Then Kaitlyn reads a text. Then Natalya says Khali can go under cover & find out who the guy is. Kaitlyn questions having a 7’1 giant going undercover. Natalya says he was cop.  They walk off and then The Bellas come out from behind a curtain. This was idiotic! Who cares about this storyline & why has Natalya been put into this crap? She deserves so much better. 

The Shield comes out through the crowed. They’ll be in a 6 man tag next.

U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston & The Usos vs. The Shield. The Shield wins when Ambrose pins Kofi. This was a decent match. Kofi & The Usos got some offense in but it was no surprise that The Shield won.

They show another pic Lesnar & Heyman in WWE HQ. Then they show a pic of Triple H’s office ransacked.

Zack Ryder vs. Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro gets the pin. This was a squash. Then Cesaro gets the mic. He says that he doesn’t often ask for the mic, but when he asks for the mic he has something to say. Is this all the competition they have for him? Because if it is that’s ridiculous. He is Antonio Cesaro & he puts the W in WWE. There’s no 1 in the whole company that can hold a candle to what he can do in this ring. This was a good promo. This guy deserves much better than what they’ve been doing with him.

They show a film of Lesnar & Heyman walking into WWE HQ. We’ll hear from Heyman next.

Time to hear from Paul Heyman from a satellite. Heyman says he is here as the advocate for Brock. He & Brock took a self guide tour of WWE HQ, but rather than explain what happened, he will show the film. They show the film. Heyman says today is a beautiful day right here in Stamford, CT home of WWE HQ. “Here we go.” They walk in & they see an Extreme Rules poster with Sheamus on it. Then the tell someone that they’re headed for Triple H’s office. They get in the elevator with some guy. Heyman whistles Fandango’s music. Then they show a poster of The Rock. Heyman says there isn’t 1 Brock poster. Brock’s a multi time WWE Champion but there’s not 1 pic of him. Then they take a look in the board room. Then they walk around the halls some more & finally find Triple H’s office. There’s a Killer Kowalski pic on the wall. Brock roughs up some guy & Heyman asks him if he likes working for HHH. Then they walk into Triple H’s office. The WWE logo is as big as Triple H’s ego. Brock looks at a world title replica. Heyman says Brock will never have a title match as long as HHH is running the show. Brock sits in Triple H’s chair & Heyman continues to comment. Brock destroys a lap top and then the computer key board. Then Brock gets a sledge hammer that just happens to be on Triple H’s wall. Brock destroys Triple H’s desk with it and then continues trashing the office. He throws a TV and then knocks over the shelf. Heyman says this is the destruction that awaits Triple H at Extreme Rules. Heyman leaves his business card to let him know they were there. Back to Heyman. He says he knows a bit about the word extreme, which is why it’s ironic that he is the voice of reason when it comes to Brock. When Brock leaves a path of destruction he is always the guy that has to discourage him. Then HHH gave Heyman a pedigree on world wide TV. Heyman will no longer discourage Brock. He will encourage him by begging him to hurt Triple H in the cage. He wants Brock to exploit the chance that only an old school steel cage can provide. Brock will take HHH to the extreme. Then Brock will go further and further and further…then Triple H’s music plays & he comes to the ring. HHH looks at the Tron & says Heyman might wanna get the guy who set up his mic to fix his hair. Then he asks Heyman if he ever opens his mouth without a bunch of crap falling out of it. HHH is the guy who tore through the attitude era with an iron fist. He’s also the guy that knocked Brock out cold at Mania. Hunter isn’t buying that on a Monday Heyman & Brock decided to go to WWE HQ because they thought Hunter was there. Everyone knows HHH is at Raw. HHH says he has 2 offices. The 1 that was torn up & the other 1 he is standing in right now. This office is more like his home. This is where he grew up & became a man. Something Brock never became. If Brock has something to say to HHH then he should be a man & say it to his face. HHH isn’t hard to find. If Brock’s thinking he will walk into this office & do what he did to his other 1, that won’t happen because in this office we fight back. This was really good. The whole film of Brock & Heyman walking through the halls of WWE HQ was cool. Heyman’s comments were really entertaining & Brock trashing Triple H’s office was a good scene. I also liked Triple H coming to the ring & saying that the ring is other office & the, “In this office we fight back” line was cool too.

Time for the Total Divas video.

Divas Champion Kaitlyn, Naomi & Cameron vs. AJ Lee & The Bellas. Kaitlyn, Naomi & Cameron win when Kaitlyn pins AJ. This was typical Divas match. Not much to it. AJ went to tag The Bellas & they got off the apron. Then Kaitlyn gave AJ a spear & got the pin.

Mark Henry comes to the ring. In just a couple minutes Sheamus will come out & act real tough. He will beat his chest & do the Celtic pose. That’s where the problem is. Sheamus will be acting. Henry doesn’t have to act tough because he is tough. He will remind everyone what happens when Sheamus meets the World’s strongest man. They show Henry attacking Sheamus from last month on Smackdown, then from 3 weeks ago on Raw. Henry says if Sheamus has any pride he will face Henry at Extreme Rules. It’s been a long time since Henry’s got extreme but he promises people will remember this match for the rest of existence. He has a special wing…Then out comes Sheamus. He says he came out because Henry left out half the videos. Sheamus shows what he’s done. They show the tug of war from last Monday and then the arm wrestling challenge from Smackdown. Henry says Sheamus is full of jokes but he’d better be serious at Extreme Rules. Sheamus says he’s a relaxed kind of guy but he’s all business when the bell rings. At Extreme Rules his business is Henry. Henry challenges him to face him right now. They face off and then out comes Wade Barrett. Break time. This was solid. Henry’s promo was good & Sheamus wasn’t totally corny here. I also liked that Henry called the fans puppets for constantly saying what.

Back from break & Mark Henry is on commentary.

Sheamus vs. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett. Sheamus gets the pin. This was decent. During the match Sheamus threw Barrett into Henry, knocking Mark down. Then when Mark got up Sheamus Brogue Kicked him. Then trainers checked on Henry. After the match Henry gets in the ring & whips Sheamus with a belt. Henry knocks him out of the ring and then continues beating him with the belt. Mark then gives Sheamus the World’s strongest slam. Then he asks, “How funny is that?” This was solid. They made Henry look like more of the monster that he’s been. Too bad Barrett was a background player here though.

They announce that Chris Jericho will face Fandango in a dance off next week. God help me!

WWE Tag Team Champion Kane vs. Ryback. Ryback gets the pin. This was ok. Then The Shield’s music hits & they come out through the crowd. Then Daniel Bryan hits the ring & Ryback bails. Cue Cena’s music & he storms to the ring. The Shield hops over the barricade and get in the ring, but Ryback comes in with a chair. Daniel dives onto Ambrose & Rollins outside the ring. Cena gets Reigns on his shoulders for an AA but then Ryback hits Cena with the chair & stands over him to end the show.

I thought this was a mixed bag of a show overall. The start of the show was painfully terrible, the Kane-Ryback match was ok but the post match brawl could’ve been better. I loved the video of Heyman & Lesnar in the WWE HQ & Triple H’s promo. That was the best part of this week’s Raw. The Sheamus-Mark Henry segment was solid too. Sheamus wasn’t totally corny here. The Sheamus-Barrett match was decent but Barrett was the background player here. I also liked Henry hitting Sheamus with the belt and giving him the World’s strongest slam on the floor. R-Truth-Fandango wasn’t much of a match. This was all about Jericho continuing to annoy Fandango. The whole thing with Jericho, Brodus & Tensai being ringside judges was idiotic. Ryder-Cesaro was a squash but Cesaro cut a solid promo afterwards. The 6 man tag was decent too. Kofi got some good offense in before The Shield won. The backstage bit with AJ, Naomi, Cameron, Natalya & Khali was terrible, the 6 divas tag wasn’t much; Orton-Sandow wasn’t much either. This was mostly Orton giving Sandow a pounding, though I did like Sandow’s version of Orton’s theme music. Del Rio-Ziggler was solid too & I was ok with the post match brawl. On the whole I thought this week’s show was hit & miss.

5-3-13 Smackdown results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the May 3, 2013 episode of Smackdown

The show starts with Ryback coming to the ring. He says that Monday night he knew Cena was hurt, which is why he couldn’t team with him to face The Shield. He’s not Cena’s keeper. Cena chose to put himself in that match against The Shield. He chose to put himself at further risk. Cena was the guy who lost the match against The Shield. Afterwards Cena was hobbling around like a weak pathetic animal & in the law of the jungle the bigger, stronger & faster always eat the weak. Ryback rules. Out comes Daniel Bryan & we’re ready for the first match. This was a short decent promo.

Daniel Bryan vs. Ryback. Ryback gets the pin. This was a good back & forth match.

Backstage Renee Young interviews Ricardo Rodriguez. She asks how he feels going into his match with Zeb Coulter. Ricardo says he feels excited. Then he rambles in Spanish & then kisses Renee. Then Del Rio comes in & he tells Ricardo to get a hold of himself. Del Rio tells Renee that Ricardo gets excited. There wasn’t much to this.

Zack Ryder vs. Fandango. Fandango gets the pin. Ryder got in some offense but this was mostly a squash. That seems to be the formula for Ryder’s matches now. Then Fandango says his name. That’s gotten old.

Backstage we see Kaitlyn holding some roses & looking at a message in her phone or whatever. She comes across Natalya & Khali. Natalya asks if the roses are from the same guy that sent her the spike hat. Kaitlyn says they are. Then she reads a text message. It’s from a blocked number. She wishes the guy would reveal himself. Natalya then says that Khali has the best advice (This I gotta hear). Khali says something that I couldn’t make out and then he tells Kaitlyn that if she needs any advice to come to him (Sure, because Khali is the first person I go to for advice). Khali walks off & Natalya tells Kaitlyn that Khali gives the best advice. This was lame. It would make sense to have the admirer be Cody Rhodes since they had bit of a storyline going a little while back.

They reshow John Cena visiting “Nick the Stitch” on the Today Show and then they show Cena on the stage with the 3 Make a Wish kids from Monday. That was a great segment!

Backstage Renee Young interviews Zeb Coulter & Jack Swagger. She says that things didn’t go Zeb’s way Monday when he lost to Ricardo but tonight he has a chance to avenge that loss. Zeb asks what her name is. Then he calls her Ronda & says people have a tendency to distort facts to fit their own personal agenda. What we really missed was the real story Monday, which was an act of personal bravery on his part. On Monday Zeb was sick with 102 degree temperature. He was sweating, he had vertigo & dizziness. He had everything wrong with him but he went to work anyway because that’s what real Americans do. They get up & go to work. Some of the comments he saw on Twitter this week was that Zeb’s performance Monday was probably the most inspiring moments people have ever seen. People even called him a role model. What hurt him worse was that his victory was awarded to an illegal immigrant. A guy who snuck across the boarder & has no place in this country. Zeb then says that Ricardo is guilty of theft & Zeb could go to the cops with this if he wanted to because he has all the fans as witnesses but he won’t do that. Zeb will handle this himself. He will rectify this situation & unlike Ricardo’s so called win there will be no taint on Zeb’s win. Unlike illegal immigrants, real Americans play fair. We the People. This was more of the same “Anti foreigner” crap we’ve been hearing for awhile & it’s beyond stale!

Dolph Ziggler is on commentary for the next match & Big E & AJ are there too.

Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Coulter. Ricardo wins by DQ when Swagger comes in. Then Del Rio goes after Swagger & clotheslines him over the top rope. Then Del Rio stares down Zeb & Zeb slides out of the ring. Then Teddy Long came out & makes this a tag match, Del Rio & Ricardo vs. Swagger & Coulter.

Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Jack Swagger & Zeb Coulter. This ends in a no finish when Dolph & Big E come in. Big E chucks Swagger out of the ring as Dolph stomps on Del Rio. Then out comes Teddy Long again & he makes this a triple threat tag team match.

Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Jack Swagger & Zeb Coulter vs. World Champion Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston. Del Rio & Ricardo win when Del Rio makes Ziggler tap. There was a lot of shenanigans here. The 3 way tag match was solid but they had Dolph cleanly tap.

Backstage we hear some noises and then The Shield show up on camera. Ambrose says doesn’t it just break your heart when your champ becomes the chump. Rollins says that it’s also heart breaking when the so called phenom isn’t so phenomenal. Then Reigns they broke Cena & Taker & they’ll break the dead man’s brother next. Ambrose says that Kane is so misguided. Kane thinks justice is taking vengeance in his family. That’s just vengeful pride. That’s just Kane’s head messing with him. Justice is what The Shield dispenses every day. Justice is putting a raging monster down. That monster is Kane. Kane is foaming at the mouth. Rollins then says that justice is in escapable. You can do all the running & hiding that you want but sooner or later it will catch up. They put down Taker & it could have been a whole lot worse. Kane will believe. Then Reigns says that Kane will believe in The Shield. They walk off & show Daniel Bryan lying on the floor from The Shield attack. This was the usual good promo from The Shield.

Time for a video package on the HHH-Brock Lesnar angle.

Backstage referees are checking on Daniel Bryan. A trainer comes in & they all ask what happened (The Shield had a camera right there & they don’t know what happened!?). Then they help Daniel up.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow. Orton gets the pin. This was a decent match. Then Big Show comes out. He says that Orton has got to be the most amazing competitor in 1 on competition. Orton is amazing to watch compete. The problem with Orton is that Orton isn’t much of a team player. It’s all about Randy Orton. If Orton hadn’t had such a big Ego at WrestleMania & let Big Show get the tag they might have beaten The Shield & Orton wouldn’t have gotten knocked out. Then Sandow attacks Orton from behind & gives him a neck breaker. Big Show has a big laugh & then says that is so funny. Then Big Show tells Orton to understand him because at Extreme Rules there will be nothing funny about what Big Show does to Orton. Big Show was good with his promo.

Backstage we see Kane coming out of the trainer’s room. Then Matt Striker asks Kane for an update on Daniel Bryan. Kane is going to make The Shield pay for attacking Daniel. He will make them pay for what they did to Taker. Kane knows what he is getting into. He knows what will happen to him. Sooner or later The Shield will get him down & they will make sure that he stays down & he will take down as many of them as he can. Kane says they’re going on a little journey to a place called hell. Good promo from Kane here.

Time for a look back at Monday’s 6 man tag.

Josh Matthews is in the ring & they have an arm wrestling table set up. Josh says that Henry has challenged Sheamus to an arm wrestling contest. Mark Henry come to the ring. Then Sheamus. Henry stalls for a while & has the referee clean Sheamus’ hand. He doesn’t want Sheamus cheating. Then he hints that he’s ready but he pulls his right arm away. Then they lock up.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry in an arm wrestling contest. Henry wins.

Then Sheamus says that Henry has the stronger right arm but he doesn’t think that Henry has the stronger left 1. Sheamus says how about 1 more try? This time left handed. Henry says that he won & Sheamus lost. Sheamus again says that Henry has the stronger right arm but he doesn’t think that Henry has the stronger left 1. Henry goes to leave the ring. Sheamus says that Henry can walk away if he is scared. Then Henry gets back in the ring. Sheamus then says that the fans in Detroit wanna see 1 more go. Then Henry gets in Sheamus’ face & says to call him scared again & see what happens. Sheamus tells Henry to prove him wrong. They go to lock up & Sheamus pulls his left arm away. Henry says that Sheamus wanted to do this. Henry already won & he doesn’t have to be out here. They lock up & get set and then Sheamus punches Henry in the head, knocks the table over and the Brogue Kicks Henry. Then Sheamus tells Henry that’s what he does Fella. This was just as meaningless as the tug of war bit from Monday. I don’t get why they’re having Mark Henry look like such a chump by falling for Sheamus’ tricks.

Time for a look back at The Shield lying out The Undertaker from last week.

Now it’s time for some still shots of the WWE European tour. We get comments from Antonio Cesaro, Justin Gabriel & Daniel Bryan.

The Shield comes out through the crowed & Reigns Daniel Bryan’s the tag title. Then Kane comes out. He fights off The Shield & throws Rollins into the barricade. Then he throws Reigns over the announce table and then he clotheslines Rollins over the barricade.

WWE Tag Team Champion Kane vs. Dean Ambrose. Ambrose gets the pin. This was a solid match. Kane had to fight off Rollins & Reigns during the match too of course. Afterwards The Shield stands outside the ring & Kane tells them to come in. They come in & Kane fights them off & The Shield regroups. Then they get back in the ring & beat down Kane. Then they go for the triple power bomb but Kane boots Reigns in the face, sending him to the floor. Then he knocks down Ambrose & Rollins and then he grabs them both by their throats but then Reigns spears Kane. Then they give him the triple power bomb. Then Ambrose takes the tag titles and gets in the ring. Ambrose & Rollins hold the tag titles as they along with Reigns stand over Kane to end the show. This was good. I like that they’re continuing to have The Shield be this unstoppable trio.

I thought this was a decent show overall. Ryback’s promo at the start was good & short & I like the Daniel-Ryback match. The backstage bit with The Shield lying out Daniel & Kane’s promo later were good too. I also the Kane-Ambrose match and the post match beat down. They’ve really been doing a good job building The Shield as this unstoppable trio. Orton-Sandow was decent, the Del Rio-Ricardo-Swagger-Coulter-Dolph-Big E stuff was a bit over the top but the 3 way tag match was solid, The Kaitlyn-Natalya-Khali backstage bit was lame & Ryder-Fandango was the usual “Ryder getting in some offense before losing” match that Ryder’s been in lately. The Sheamus-Henry arm wrestling contest was meaningless. I don’t get why they’re having Henry fall fro Sheamus’ tricks & making him look like a chump. On the whole I thought this was a decent show though.

5-2-13 Impact results and thoughts

  Coverage and thoughts on the May 2, 2013 episode of Impact

The show starts with Hulk Hogan coming to the ring (I’m having flashbacks to Monday Nitro here). The fans chant Hogan. He says after what happened last week things almost came to blows between him & Sting. He tells Sting to come out & tell everyone what’s up. Out comes Sting. Hulk says last week didn’t end with a pretty picture. Hulk knows when he’s right and he knows when he’s wrong. Hulk mentions everything that’s happened and says when it came to making some choices he was wrong. He tells Sting he made a huge mistake when he pushed Sting away. Hulk says they should’ve been taking care of Aces & 8s together. Sting says they’re together and all is good. Sting asks Hulk to find to guys to face Aces & 8s in a 6 man tag next week. What Hulk needs to do tonight is find out who will face Ray at Slammivesary. Out comes Matt Morgan. Morgan says this is the part where he just hands Sting another title shot. Hulk says Morgan runs his mouth before he knows what’s going on. Hulk says there will be no more mistakes or handouts. Anyone who gets a spot will have to earn it. Sting won’t be handed the title shot & neither is Morgan. The winner of the Sting-Morgan match tonight will challenge for the world title. This was a typical Hulk segment. This starting the show does have that old Monday Nitro feel to it and not in a good way. I wasn’t into this.

They show Chris Sabin talking about how long he was out with 2 ACL tears. He got in this business to be the world champion & that will be his goal from hear on out. This was a good video.

Backstage Kurt Angle says Aces & 8s come in every week. They try to take over the company & they took the TNA Title. He has challenged anyone in Aces & 8s to face him tonight. They can hurt him & they can beat him but they won’t stop him.

Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Zima Ion. Sabin wins when he pins Ion. This was a solid match & it is nice to see Chris Sabin back.

Backstage Robbie E & Jessie are talking about how to handle Rob Terry. Jessie has a third guy to help them out. He shows him a pick of Joey Ryan. Robbie says Joey’s sleazy. Jessie says he’s easy, Robbie says easy & sleazy don’t rhyme. Whatever, this was lame.

Backstage we see Bully Ray and Aces & 8s. Ray says Hulk & Sting mocked him & the rest of the stable. No one mocks them. Now he has to worry about Sting vs. Morgan. He’s not worried about either 1 of them because he will get the job done. Then he says that Kurt Angle has been a problem for Aces & 8s since they showed up. He says for someone to take care of Kurt the same way he took care of Jeff Hardy. Wes wants to face Angle. So does Garrett. Then D’Lo says that he will face Angle. Ray says D’Lo’s fired up & D’Lo swears on his colors that he will get the job done tonight. This was a bit weak.

Rob Terry vs. Robbie E, Jessie Godderz & Joey Ryan. Rob Terry wins when he pins Joey. This wasn’t much & it was no surprise that Rob Terry got the win.

Austin Aries & Bobby Roode come to the ring. Roode says Kazarian & Daniels played their mind games last week & they got into his head a bit, talking about reforming Fortune. Roode says Daniels & Kazarian cost them the tag titles last week & says that they’re jealous because Aries & Roode being a better team. Aries says not for 1 second did he believe a word that was coming out of their mouths. Aries says Daniels & Kazarian might be best buds but he & Roode aren’t friends & they barely like each other. They’re a team of world champions. Something Daniels & Kazarian don’t know & will never know anything about. Then out come Daniels & Kazarian. Daniels says Roode is right when he said it was about the tag titles, but Aries & Roode aren’t the best tag team. Everyone knows that Aries & Roode are an imitation of the best tag team. The next tag champions are in the ring right now. Roode says that he is the guy who broke a beer bottle over his best friend’s head to win the world title. Then he says that he & Aries will do whatever it takes. Kazarian says Aries & Roode can’t out beat, out cheat or out “us” them. Then out come Chavo & Hernandez. Chavo says talk time is over. Now it’s time for action. Chavo says that Hulk has named a special referee for the tag match. Chavo says it’s not him or Hernandez. This referee likes to count 6 packs. Out comes James Storm. This was ok. Daniels, Kazarian, Aries & Roode were all solid on the mic like usual.

Backstage Sting finds Angle. He asks if Angle’s ready for this match. Angle says he’s ready. Then Sting asks Angle if he has a minute. Then Sting tells the camera guy that he needs a minute and closes the glass door, as the camera man films Sting & Angle but we can’t hear what they’re saying. What was the point of this bit? Sting lets the camera guy come with him to walk to the weight room that Kurt Angle’s in and then he shuts the door with the cameraman outside? I’m not a fan of these backstage segments but this one was really dumb.

Backstage we see Tara & Gail Kim. They both complain about Taryn Terrell. They plan to embarrass her in their tag match with her & Mickie. Tara says they’ll take care of business and then walks out. Then Gail says to herself that she’ll be sure to get the victory. This was kind of weak too.

Chris Sabin says for 2 years he’s been training and it was great to be back in the ring. He was wrestling for 11 years & it was taken from him but it was worth it. He says that being back in the ring is the greatest feeling. This was good.

Before the next match starts D’Lo tells Angle that he told his brothers that he would beat him, but that won’t be enough. Tonight he will humiliate Angle by beating him in an I Quit match.

Kurt Angle vs. D’Lo Brown in an I Quit match. Angle wins. This was a decent match. The Aces & 8s guys watched at ringside & looked displeased with D’Lo.  

Afterwards Christie asks if Angle if this is a measure of revenge. Angle has his mind on AJ Styles. He tells AJ to get out there. Break time.

Back from break. Angle says he needs AJ to come out right now. They need to talk (There’s been more than enough talking on this show). AJ finally comes out. Angle says AJ looks like he wants to take his head off. Before he thinks about doing that, Angle tells him they’re in his home town. Everybody wants to recruit AJ. AJ going with Aces & 8s would be the easy way. Angle says that he has taken the easy way a lot of times but that’s not AJ’s way. AJ is the reason Angle came to TNA & they’ve had a lot of great matches. Angle needs to know where AJ stands. If he’s with TNA that’s cool, but if he’s against them then they’ll have some problems. Angle tells AJ that next week the choice is his. This was more of the same “AJ has to make a choice” crap. How often are they going put AJ “on the spot” about making a decision as to whose side he is going to be on?  

Backstage camera guy says Matt Morgan has been waiting a long time for this chance. Morgan says waiting isn’t the word. He’s been frustrated & has been demanding it. Hulk’s lucky to have him in TNA. He’s no longer waiting for the ball, he’s taking it. Tonight he guts through Sting and then at Slammiversary he guts through Ray & will be the next world champion. This was a good promo.

Mickie James & Taryn Terrell vs. Gail Kim & Tara. Mickie & Taryn win when Taryn pins Tara. This was a decent match too. Afterwards Gail & Tara beat on Mickie & Taryn. Mickie & Tara go at it on the ramp while Gail beats on Taryn in the ring. Then Gail gives a figure 4 on the post. Then ODB & other referees come out to check on Taryn as Gail walks up the ramp. The post match attack was solid also & I liked Gail doing the figure 4 on the ring post.

Backstage we see Aces & 8s and Ray is pissed that D’Lo said I Quit. D’Lo swore his colors on victory and he said I quit. Garrett says something and then Ray says just because Angle was a douche to him doesn’t mean that Garrett should be a douche back (That made no sense) Ray says he will deal with D’Lo next week. They have a 6 man tag next week and he, Devon & Anderson are stepping up to the plate. Ray’s tired of this crap (So am I). This promo was ok though.

Aries & Roode are backstage. Roode says Kaz & Daniels have never been world champion while he & Aries both have. Next week they will become number 1 contenders for the tag title. Chavo & Hernandez can’t hold a candle to Bobby Roode. This was a solid promo.

Sting vs. Matt Morgan to see who will challenge for the TNA World Title. Sting wins by KO after Morgan passes out from being in the Scorpion Death Lock. Then Bully Ray gets on the apron & taunts Sting to end the show. The match was solid. They had Morgan pass out rather than tapping to the scorpion & Sting had to lock him in it twice. I don’t get why the referee called for the bell after checking Morgan’s arm only 2 times rather than 3. The Sting-Ray stare down was a decent end to this show.

I thought this was a mixed bag show overall. The Hulk-Sting-Morgan segment at the start was a typical long winded yapping bit (Mostly from Hogan) but I thought the Sting-Morgan match was solid. The X Division 3 Way was solid too & it is nice to see Chris Sabin back in action. The video package on him & his post match promo were both well done too. That said there was way too much talking on this week’s show. The Daniels-Kazarian-Aries-Roode bit segment was decent but that’s because those 4 guys are always good with their promos. When Chavo & Hernandez came out it went south. James Storm coming out was ok though. Matt Morgan’s promo backstage was good too, the Tara-Gail Kim bit was weak, I couldn’t stand the “Sting needs to talk to Angle but shuts the door on the camera guy” bit! The Aces & 8s segments were a bit weaker than usual too. The knockouts tag match was solid & I liked the post match attacks. Angle-D’Lo was solid too but Angle calling out AJ & telling him that he needs to decide where he stands was the same old crap we’ve been getting for weeks. The 3 on 1 match wasn’t much & not at all surprising that Rob Terry won. On the whole I thought this week’s show was hit & miss.