4-9-12 Raw results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the April 9, 2012 episode of Raw

The show starts with clips of the new (and probably awful) 3 Stooges movie.

They announce that Mark Henry will challenge CM Punk for the Title.

The actual show kicks off with Johnny Ace & David Otunga coming to the ring. Johnny says that he is going to introduce the new face of WWE. Johnny says that this guy doesn’t care about the fans. He then says that this is someone who will carry the banner for years to come. Then he says we will look at the impact this man has made. They reshow the John Cena promo from last week where Brock Lesnar came out and gave Cena the F5. Johnny than welcomes the man who will face John Cena at Extreme Rules, Brock Lesnar. They’re really rushing into this. Brock comes out and thanks Johnny for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to WWE. Then John Cena’s music hits and he comes out. He comes to the ring with a smile on his face (why would he be smiling after getting flattened last week?). After waiting for a bit, Cena says something and then he slaps Lesnar and they start to go at it. Then security and other wrestlers come out to break it up. Cena was bleeding from the mouth. He goes back after Lesnar and the wrestlers try to pull them apart. Then the other wrestlers drag Brock out of the ring. Then Cena asks someone if he looks alright since he’s bleeding. This was a decent opening segment. I liked that they had Cena come out and slap Lesnar. When he came out with that smile of on his face I was dreading one of his cartoon like promos but thankfully we were spared that. I thought the pull a part brawl was good. I do think however that they’re having the Cena-Lesnar match way too soon.

Johnny Ace & David Otunga are backstage with Teddy Long and Johnny blames Teddy for what happened for not being able to contain Cena. He wants Long to go to Cena for an explanation. Then Eve Torres comes in and says that she hasn’t had a chance to speak to him since WrestleMania. Johnny says that they can have a one on one meeting. Then Eve tells Johnny that he has her cell number and he should call her. This was idiotic.

Time for the Funkasauris and Santino Marella is with him. NO!

U.S. Champion Santino Marella & Brodus Clay vs. Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Santino & Brodus win when Brodus pins Dolph. This was ok.

The Miz is backstage with Johnny Ace and Johnny says that tonight’s been a little crazy, but he has big plans for him. He tells Miz they will talk next week. Then Teddy Long comes and Ace chews him out and asks where Cena is. Then Cena comes in and talks about what Ace said at the start. Then he says that Ace brought Brock in because he wants to put Cena out of business. Then he says that he doesn’t care about the blood, he wants a match and he wants Johnny to pick his opponent. Johnny tells Long to tell David Otunga that he will face Cena. This was terrible too. This whole “heal running the show” bit is really old.

Santino asks Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins if they’ve seen the “stooges”. They haven’t. Then he asks a couple of guys on their laptops. This was really dumb. Why are acting like these guys who are playing the stooges are the actual 3 stooges!? I find this really idiotic!

Back from commercial and Santino is still looking for the “stooges” and he runs into Kane. Santino does some Curly stuff and then runs off. More idiocy.

R-Truth vs. Cody Rhodes. Truth gets the pin. Big Show’s music plays and he comes out. Then they reshow the clip from last week when Show came out and caused Cody to lose to Kofi Kingston. Then Truth got the 3 count. This was stupid too. I hope to God they don’t do this with Cody every week.

More Santino idiocy backstage and he sees a crate that says fragile on it. He pries it open and the “stooges” come out. They do some stooges stuff and Santino asks what they have planned for tonight. “Larry” says he was hoping to catch up with the Divas. Then “Moe” has Santino show him the cobra. This was weird. Seeing these guys act like the stooges was really odd.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Lord Tensai. Tensai wins when the referee stops the match. This was a squash. Afterwards Tensai locks the claw on Yoshi. The fans chanted Albert during this. That was funny.

They replay the CM Punk-Chris Jericho segment from last week.

CM Punk comes to the ring and gets the mic. He says he wanted to break the last week’s worth of science. He says that straight edge isn’t something everybody gets. He says it’s a personal choice and it wasn’t made to fit in but because it is a way of life. He says that the reason he is straight edge he has kept close to the vest because it’s no one’s business and he feels who cares? Then Punk says that he said he would make to the top of WWE because he is the best wrestler in the world. The fans chant CM Punk. Then Punk mentions Jericho and talks about how he was trying to get into Punk’s head. Then he talks about the stuff Jericho brought up about his family. Then Punk says that at WrestleMania he made Jericho tap out. Then he says that Jericho took one step too far last week. He mentions Jericho breaking the bottle over his head. Punk says that he wasn’t thinking how badly hurt he was but he was thinking that he smelled just like his father used to. He mentions more about his dad and then Jericho shows up on the Tron. He asks Punk if he’s still hung over. Jericho says that Punk has to admit that booze is taking control of his life. He says that when the fans look at him they don’t see a World Champion but a loser. Then Jericho says that last week he forced Punk to understand what it was like to be CM Drunk. Punk tells Jericho that he can’t break him and tells Jericho that every bad memory he has he will use against Jericho. Punk then says that this is no longer about him being the best in the world but about him kicking Jericho’s ass. This was a good promo too. Both guys were really good in their delivery. Then Mark Henry comes out for his Title match.

WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Mark Henry for the Title. Henry wins by DQ when Punk hits him with a monitor. Afterwards Punk was going to throw the monitor on Henry but Chris Jericho’s music hit. Punk got distracted and then Mark Henry beats down Punk and gives him 2 World’s Strongest Slams. Jericho comes to the ring with some beer cans. After Henry leaves Jericho opens one and was about to pour it on Punk but Punk attacked him. Then Jericho gave Punk the Code Breaker. Then Jericho gets a few cans and pours both on Punk telling him to drink it in. Then referees come in and try to get Jericho out of the ring. Punk crawls on the ring mat all soaked and Jericho yells to him to have some more. Then he gives Punk a second Code Breaker. Then Jericho get the belt and raises it in the air. This was good stuff. Jericho is really good at playing the dastardly heal. Punk does a great job too of course. This feud has really been good.

Zack Ryder vs. Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio wins by submission. This was short.

They show the “stooges” backstage and “Curly” has an idea. We’ll see them live next.

Time for the fake 3 stooges. “Moe” and “Larry” come to the ring. They get booed. Then Real American hits and “Curly” comes out dressed like Hulk Hogan. Then “Curly” starts to talk like the Hulkster and promotes the new movie. Then Kane’s pyro hits and he comes out. He gets in the ring and stares down the “stooges” and has his pyro go off. “Moe” and “Larry” run to the back. “Curly” Hulks up and Kane choke slams him. This was terrible!!

Josh Mathews is backstage with Mark Henry and asks if Henry can explain this. Then they show Henry giving Punk 2 World’s Strongest Slams. Henry says that last week he beat Punk by count out and this week he beat him by DQ. Then he says that he talked to Johnny Ace and he will face Punk for the title next week in a No DQ, No count out match.

Josh Mathews asks Brock Lesnar if he’s proud to be back in WWE. Brock says that he’s proud of everything that he does. Then he talks about his WWE and UFC runs. He says that a guy like Cena thinks he’s at the top. He says that he isn’t here to make any friends. He is a war machine. Then he says that fans are proud to have him back.   

They recap the Undertaker-Triple H match from WrestleMania. They show clips and have comments from other wrestlers. The comments from the talent mentioning how historic it was were good. I thought the still shots were a good touch too.

John Cena vs. David Otunga. Cena wins by submission. This wasn’t much. Afterwards Brock Lesnar comes out and low blows Cena from behind. Then Lesnar gives Cena the F5. Lesnar stands over Cena and Johnny Ace applauds him. Then Lesnar walks up the ramp while Cena sells the F5 to end the show.

This week’s show was really weak I thought. The pull a part brawl with Cena & Lesnar at the start of the show was good. The Cena-Otunga match wasn’t much. Lesnar hitting Cena with another F5 was ok. When Cena came out for his match why was he all smiles after Lesnar busted him open? This is what makes fans boo Cena. The way he no sells stuff like that. They should have had him run to the ring and beat the crap out of Otunga. The Punk-Jericho stuff was good too. I thought that the promo went a little long but it was good. This is one of the better WWE storylines. The Punk-Henry match wasn’t much. This continued the storyline with Jericho more than it was a match. Henry’s promo saying that he will face Punk in a No DQ no count out match was good also. The “stooges” stuff was idiotic. The less said about that the better. Overall I thought this was a lame show.