4-23-12 Raw results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the April 23, 2012 3 hour episode of Raw

The show starts with Teddy Long in the ring and welcoming the fans to the Cena-Lesnar contract signing. Long introduces John Cena and he comes out. Then Long introduces Lesnar. His music hits but Johnny Ace comes out and says that Brock isn’t there yet. He says that the signing will take place on Brock’s terms. Then he tells Long to leave the ring. Long then asks Cena to leave the ring. Then Ace welcomes everyone to Raw. Then Edge’s music hits and he comes out to a pop. He says that in a few days his contract is running out. Then he says that he came to talk to Cena. Not this John Cena because he doesn’t know who this Cena is. Edge says that he came to talk to the Cena who was one of his greatest rivals and he mentions their TLC match from 2006. He says this isn’t that Cena. He says that Cena has to find the old Cena. He says that he and Cena are different in many ways, but they both love wrestling. He mentions that this is something they have always wanted to do. Then he says that Lesnar doesn’t care about wrestling. He says that Brock left for 8 years while they carried the load. Edge than tells Cena to wake up. Because if he doesn’t it is a slap in the face to Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker and to him. Edge tells Cena to WAKE UP! Then Edge says that he isn’t asking him to beat Lesnar, he is telling him to. Then Edge heads up the ramp. This was a good opening segment thanks to Edge. Having him on the show was a nice surprise and his promo was really good.

The lights go out and Chris Jericho’s music hits. He comes to the ring for his match.

Kofi Kingston vs. Chris Jericho. Jericho wins by submission. This was really good back and forth match. Then Jericho gets the mic and says that at Extreme Rules he will become WWE Champion. He says that Punk knows about being extreme. He says that he has an extremely alcoholic dad, an extreme drug abusing sister and an extremely morally challenged mom. He then says that Punk is an extreme failure as a champion and a human. Then he says in from of Punk’s home town Punk will receive an extreme beating from him. Then he says that he (Jericho) is making an extremely nice gesture. He says that he got Punk a gift that will help him cope with the embarrassment of knowing that he lost the Title to Jericho. Jericho says he will show that he is the best in the world at everything he does. Jericho’s promo was good as usual but the whole “Punk’s family is addicts and boozers” bit is getting stale.

They show Brock Lesnar flattening Jeff Hardy from Backlash April 21, 2002. Hard to believe that Lesnar made his debut 10 years ago.

Johnny Ace is on his cell phone talking about the contract signing. Then Eve comes in. Ace says that they are looking for an executive administrator and he thinks she might be interested. Eve takes it. Johnny welcomes her aboard. This was typical Johnny-Eve crap.

They re show the Brock Lesnar video from last Monday.

CM Punk is backstage and Josh Mathews asks him about the gift Jericho got him. Punk says that the gift was an extremely poor case of sarcasm. Then he gets a liquor basket and says that this was the gift. Then he says that he will give Jericho a gift at Extreme Rules. Then he says that he has no use for the basket and gives it to Josh (but not the Jack Daniels bottle). Good promo and Punk giving Josh the basket was funny.

R-Truth vs. Lord Tensai. Tensai gets the pin. This was a squash.

They show Kane backstage making his way to the ring.

Kane comes to the ring. He says that Extreme Rules is his favorite night of the year. He says that there will be bad things for Orton. He then says that Orton found out at WrestleMania that he can’t beat Kane with rules. Then he says that Randy is trying to come to grips with the fact that Kane discovered his true weakness. He says that when he laid out Bob Orton he saw fear in Randy. Then he says that Orton is not the viper. He is nothing more than a scared little boy going to his dad hoping the nightmare ends. Kane says that he is the monster that Randy will never wake up from. Then Randy shows up on the Tron and says that after Kane took his dad out, he had to return the favor. They show Paul Bearer tied to a chair with tape over his mouth. Then Randy pushes him into a freezer. He tells Kane to get back there and have some fun. Kane laughs and says that he could care less what Randy does to Bearer. He says that has no intention of saving him. Kane heads up the ramp but then Randy comes out and attacks Kane. He gets a pipe from under the ring and hits Kane with it. He knocks Kane over the barrier. Kane then bails through the crowd while Randy gets in the ring holding the pipe.  I’m not really into this storyline so I wasn’t into this promo much. I also wasn’t into having Paul Bearer tied and gagged like he was when Edge kidnapped him.

Chris Jericho is walking backstage and Alex Riley stops him. He tells Jericho that Punk kicked him out of the locker room for drinking out of the basket. Jericho asks if this is a set up and he has Alex show him where Punk is. Jericho walks into the room and sees Punk on the phone and having a drink from a red cup with a bottle of Jack Daniels in front of him.

Intercontinental Champion Big Show & Great Khali vs. Cody Rhodes & Alberto Del Rio. Show & Khali win when Show pins Cody. This was ok. Alberto walked out on Cody before the end.

Chris Jericho is with Johnny Ace saying that he saw Punk drink and should be stripped of the title. Eve says Johnny can do that. Jericho says to have cops make him take a sobriety test. Jericho says that afterwards Johnny can the title to Jericho. Then Eve says that when Long was running Smackdown he would look the other way and not abide by the rules. Johnny then tells Long that he will tell Punk he is being stripped of the title. This was crappy. I’m getting tired of the “Punk is drinking” bit and Johnny Ace is boring.

Brock Lesnar is backstage and Josh Mathews asks him where he was at the start of the show. Then Josh asks that Brock loses at Extreme Rules will he still consider himself the face of WWE. Brock roughs up Josh pushing him against the wall. Then as Brock walks out Josh says to himself that he was trying to do his job. Then Lesnar throws him down.

Back from commercial and Josh is being placed on a stretcher.

Before the next match starts Eve comes out and says that since the Bella Twins cheat and the other Divas don’t do anything, Johnny Ace gave her his approval to make this a Lumber Jill match.

Divas Champion Beth Phoenix vs. Nikki Bella for the Title. Nikki gets the pin to win the Title. This really didn’t click. They went to the floor and Brie got in Beth’s face. Then Beth shoved her down and then the divas go at it. Then Nikki & Beth get thrown back into the ring. Beth hurt her ankle and the referee checked on her and then Nikki got the roll up for the pin. Medics check on Beth as the Bella Twins head up the ramp. Why put the belt on Nikki Bella when the Bella Twins deal runs out next Monday. Was this to swerve the internet fans?

Teddy Long tells CM Punk that the sobriety test will be next and Punk flips.

Teddy Long is in the ring with 2 cops and tells CM Punk to come to the ring. Then Chris Jericho’s music hits and he comes out. He says that he is going to make sure that this is done right. He also says that he wants to be in the ring when Long strips Punk of the Title and Long will have to give it to him. Then Long says that if Punk fails the sobriety test that will happen. Then he asks Punk to come out. Punk comes to the ring and says this whole thing is ridiculous and everyone knows it. Then the cop tells Punk to say the alphabet backwards. Punk asks if anyone ever has. Punk acts all drunk and says that no one can recite the alphabet backwards drunk or sober. Punk again says this is stupid. Then the cop asks him to walk the straight red line. Punk asks what line. Jericho tells him to quit stalling. Punk stands on the line on one foot and says that was from Karate Kid. Then Punk says that he can’t concentrate with Jericho there. Punk walks on the ling but stumbles over. Jericho says that no more evidence is needed and tells Long to give Jericho the title. Long asks the cop what he thinks. The cop says Punk is smashed. Jericho thanks the cops for making the right decision. Then Long asks Punk to hand over the Title. Jericho screams at Punk to hand it over. After a few seconds Punk hands the title over to Teddy Long. Then Jericho tells Long to give him the title. Then Punk says to give him one more chance. Jericho asks Punk how many chances does he need. Punk then starts saying the alphabet backwards and walks on the straight line doing “the worst moon walk.” Then he hits Jericho. Jericho tries to get away but Punk attacks him. Jericho heads up the ramp and Punk follows and beats him down some more. Then Long gives Punk the title and Punk holds it over his head. They show Johnny Ace & Eve watching backstage. This was painful!! I have no idea why they booked this crap! This was a really good storyline and WWE of course has to find a way to ruin it. I knew they were going to have Punk make the whole thing a set up but I still couldn’t stand this! The only decent part was when Punk went after Jericho. The rest was idiotic!

They show Brock Lesnar facing Hulk Hogan from Smackdown in August 2002.

Before the next match Justin Roberts says that Johnny Ace has assigned a guest referee. Daniel Bryan’s music plays and he comes out.

World Champion Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. Henry gets the pin when Daniel makes a fast count. This wasn’t much of a match. Daniel taunted Sheamus into hitting him and then Henry clothes lined Sheamus. Afterwards Daniel throws his referee shirt at Sheamus and walks up the ramp. Then Sheamus goes after Daniel. He throws him into the ring barrier and then into the ring. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick but Daniel got the “Yes” lock on Sheamus. I feel like this is being booked screwy too. The “Yes” chant started out good but now it’s gotten irritating. They’re dropping the ball with this too.

Matt Striker asks Sheamus what his thoughts on Daniel Bryan are. He says that Daniel is a coward who hid behind a referee shirt. This was a good short promo.

Zack Ryder & U.S. Champion Santino Marella vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Primo & Epico. Ryder & Santino win when Santino pins Primo. This match was ok. I don’t get why they always have the tag champs lose non title matches almost every time!

Kane is backstage and walks by the freezer. He goes in and gets Paul Bearer out. Kane says that he came to save Bearer from him. Then he pushes him back in.

Primo & Epico argue and A.W. comes in and asks why they’re being treated like jokes. He says if they need a little guidance to give him a call. He gives them his card. I don’t know where they’re doing with Abraham Washington. I also have no idea why they call him A.W. rather than saying his name. 

Brodus Clay & Hornswoggle vs. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger. Brodus & Hornswoggle win by DQ when Vickie comes in and slaps Brodus. Then Naomi & Cameron come in the ring. Vickie does the Brodus act and Hornswoggle bites her in the ass. This was idiotic! This Brodus Clay gimmick is so awful. Hornswoggle being in there makes it even worse.

They show Brock Lesnar beating Kurt Angle for the WWE Title at WrestleMania 19 from March 30, 2003.

They show the Brock Lesnar video again. I don’t why they showed this video twice!

Time for the John Cena-Brock Lesnar contract signing.

Johnny Ace comes to the ring. He says that he is looking forward to Extreme Rules. He says that he is excited about having Cena & Lesnar face each other. Then he introduces Brock Lesnar and says he will become the new face of WWE. Lesnar comes out. Then Ace introduces Cena. Cena’s music hits but he doesn’t come out. The fans start the dueling Cena chant. Brock picks up the mic and says tells “Little Johnny” to come on out. Then Lesnar says to Ace that he came to the show for a contract signing and that Cena’s too scared to come out. Lesnar says that’s ok. Then he says that since Cena doesn’t have the b***s to show up he tells Ace to have a seat. Then Lesnar says that since he’s been back he’s not very happy about how things are turning out. Then he says that he wants Ace to change a few things right now. Brock says that he’s not the same naïve farm boy that he was. He says that he is an enterprise and that this company needs Brock Lesnar. He tells Ace that from now on any thought that goes through Ace’s mind he will have to run by Brock. Then he says that when he comes to Raw he gets to ride in Vince’s jet to and from the arena. Then he says that beating people up makes him happy. Then he says that when he showed up he got to beat someone up. He says he doesn’t like people, especially stupid people. Then he says that he will show up on Raw when and how he wants. He says that he won’t be a puppet. Then Brock talks about Ace fining Sheamus and Brock tells Ace that he won’t be fining him. He will be paying him more. He says that until these demands are made there is no match at Extreme Rules. He then says that if he is the face of Monday night then a new name has to be made. It will no longer be Monday Night Raw. It will be Monday Night Raw starring Brock Lesnar. Brock tells Johnny that if he makes him happy then Brock will make him happy by signing the contract. Johnny agrees and they shake hands. Lesnar tells Ace to tell the fans. And Johnny says that he agrees. Then Brock signs the contract. Then John Cena’s music hits again and this time he comes out. He has a chain around his fist. Brock calmly sits waiting for a bit then he stands up. Cena looks at the contract debating if he will sign it. Then Brock asks him what’s wrong and tells him to sign the contract. Brock says that Cena stands there and Brock feels a vibration coming from him. He says he likes it because he can feel that Cena is scared. Then Brock says that he has had Cena frightened. Then Cena signs the contract. Cena knocks the table over and he & Brock stare at each other. Then Brock leaves the ring. Lesnar heads up the ramp as Cena stares him down to end the show. This was decent. I thought Brock cut a good promo. Him making all these demands about him being the star if Raw was good. I liked him saying that Cena is afraid of him too. I also like that Cena didn’t speak. They mostly just intently stared at each other. I thought that was good.

I thought this week’s show really dragged overall. There was a lot of crap on this show. I hated the whole Punk and the sobriety test segment! That was really painful! Johnny Ace backstage making Eve an executive sucked too. Kofi and Jericho had a good match. That was probably the highlight of the show for me. Edge's promo at the start of the show was good too. That was also one of the few good parts of the show. I don't know why they put the Divas Title on Nikki Bella since the Bellas deal end next Monday. Maybe they signed a new one, who knows. I really hope to God that this wasn't done to swerve the internet fans. I also feel like they’re dropping the ball with the Sheamus-Daniel Bryan feud too. I thought that having Daniel be the referee for the Sheamus-Mark Henry match was kinda weak. This storyline and the Jericho-Punk one both started out good and WWE found a way to totally ruin both. On the whole this show was too long and dreadful to watch!