5-24-13 Smackdown results and thoughts

       Coverage and thoughts on the May 24, 2013 episode of Smackdown

The show starts with Miz TV (Again). He welcomes everyone to Miz TV. Tonight he is not just hosting Miz TV but soon he will win back the IC Title. But first his guest tonight has danced his way up the ladder in WWE. He beat Jericho in his WrestleMania debut & has a dance named after him called Fandangoing. Out come Fandango & Summer Rae. Miz says that last Monday Fandango…Then Fandango cuts him off & tells Miz that he is no different than anyone else. Let’s get this right. Then Fandango says his name “correctly.” Miz says really & Fandango says yes. They go back & forth with that for a bit. Then Miz says that whichever way Fandango pronounced his name, last Monday on Raw Fandango did something in a tag team match that no one has ever done in WWE history. They show Fandango dancing during the tag match from Raw (Man was that idiotic). Miz mentions that Summer Rae looked stupid after Jericho gave her the brush. Miz then says that Fandango left Wade Barrett high & dry. While Barrett was getting his but kicked in the ring Fandango was dancing with Summer Rae at ringside. Miz says that Fandango’s ego is more obnoxious than his name. What kind of self absorbed narcissist is Fandango? Then Fandango says that if anyone gets close to Summer again he will dance all over their face. Miz wants to talk to him about egos? Miz says he knows that he himself has a big ego but he knows the balance between sports & entertainment. Miz knows that when the bell rings it’s all about business. He doesn’t stand outside & look like a bag of Skittles dancing. Then the fans chant bag of skittles (Maybe that was dubbed in. I hope it was because I’d hate to think that the fans actually chanted that). Miz says that Fandango is the new Fruity Pebbles. Fandango tells Miz that his lecture bores him. Miz bores him (This segment bores me). Miz is just angry that he didn’t think of doing that first. Miz claims…Cue Wade Barrett’s new music & out he comes (Why do they keep giving him different theme songs?). Barrett wants a word with Fandango & Miz. But he will start off with the ballerina. Barrett doesn’t think that he’s ever encountered a more pathetic disrespectful waste of skin in his entire life. Then Barrett gets in the ring & says that the only reason that He & Fandango lost Monday is because Fandango would rather tip toe through the tulips than fight like a real man. If Fandango ever crosses Barrett’s path again he will smash every tooth in his head. And then he will make sure that the whole world forgets about the name Fandango (I’d love to forget about that name). Then Fandango says how his name is pronounced (That bit is beyond old). Miz says if you wanna talk about disrespectful, he reminds Barrett that he will defend that Intercontinental Title tonight against him. Then he reminds Barrett that he beat him for that title at WrestleMania (That match was on the pre show & Miz only held it for 1 day). Then Miz reminds Barrett that on Monday he tapped Barrett out. Barrett reminds Miz how this feels. Then he decks Miz, but Miz takes him down & they go at it. The Miz-Barrett IC Title match will happen next. This was the usual “Start Smackdown with a promo” bit but at least it wasn’t as long as these opening promos usually are. I also like that the match came right after it.

Fandango is on commentary.

The Miz vs. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett for the Title. Miz wins by DQ. During the match Fandango’s music played as he & Summer Rae dance at ringside again as the match continued (This is terrible. I really hope this doesn’t become a recurring gag). Miz baseball slide kicked Fandango & they shut his theme music off (Yay). Then Fandango kicked Miz in the head & that led to the DQ. Then Fandango gets in the ring & kicks away on Miz. Barrett does too. Then Fandango punches Miz in the head a few times. Then Barrett gives Fandango the bull hammer. This was lame. The match was ok but this whole bit with Fandango dancing at ringside during a match is stupid!

Backstage we see Daniel Bryan looking pissed off again. Then Kane comes in & Daniel asks him what he wants. Kane knows that Daniel is upset but they’re still a team. THEY lost the tag team titles & he tells Daniel to deal with it. Kane says that HE himself lost Monday night. Daniel sees what Kane is implying. He says Kane is implying that he lost because Daniel wasn’t there. Daniel knows what Kane & everyone is thinking. Daniel is not the weak link. Daniel then walks off & Kane looks puzzled. This was decent. These 2 are good together.

Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger. Daniel wins by submission. This match was solid. Then Daniel puts Swagger back in the no lock & Kane pulls Daniel off. Then Daniel backs up the ramp & does the yes chant. Then he says that he is not the weak link. This was decent too.

Time for a look back at the start of Raw when Ryback cut a promo standing on thee ambulance (And boy was that a weak promo) & then Ryback flattening Zack Ryder.

Matt Striker & Damien Sandow are in the ring & a table is there too for some reason. Sandow says that for the last several weeks he has sat & watched as 2 troglodytes disguised as WWE super stars engaged in a series of contests each more half witted & embarrassing than the last. A tug of war, arm wrestling & a truck pull. The only thing worse than that is that the fans seemed to be amused by it. He wants the fans to pay close attention. This is something that he calls appealing to the lowest common denominator. He demands silence. Then he says he doubts that there are any “mathletes” in the crowed this evening but he is going to say this. The true measure of a man is not in his physical strength, but his ability to deal with mental challenges. Then he says he is going to explain the detail of the Gordian knot. The camera shows there’s a knotted rope on the table. In ancient times there was a peasant farmer named Gordian who tied his ox to a tree. He used a knot that was so complicated it was said no man could untie it. A prophecy clearly states that any man who is able to untie the Gordian knot would rule all of Asia. Then Sandow mentions that Striker is a former educator/teacher, albeit a substitute. Barring Striker’s short comings Sandow proposes that Striker accepts the challenge & attempt to untie the Gordian knot. Striker picks up the knot but doesn’t attempt to untie it. Sandow asks if he can’t do it. Striker says he can’t. Sandow then says that Striker just renewed his idiot license & he was just embarrassed the entire Substitute Teacher’s Union of America. Then Sandow says to call Washington. He just found the problem in the educational system. Sandow then says to take man like himself, a man of superior intellect…then Sheamus’ music hits & he comes out. He says that from 1 man to another Sheamus finds it quite troubling that Sandow spends his time playing with knots. Sandow needs to get a girlfriend. Sandow tells Sheamus to leave his personal life out of this. Sheamus says he doesn’t wanna know what Sandow does in his spare time. Then Sheamus says that as a kid he played with rubics cubes & broke a few. Then he says that since Sandow is calling him a troglodyte he would like to prove Sandow wrong by solving the puzzle of the Gordian knot. Sandow says if Sheamus thinks that his troubled childhood gives him the credentials to solve the riddle of the Gordian knot so be it. Sheamus attempts to untie the knot, but Sandow tries to take it out of his hands. Then Sheamus tells Sandow that he has to give him time. Sheamus tries to untie the knot but Sandow yanks it out of his hands. Then Sandow says “allow me”. Sandow’s here to help. He tells Sheamus to sit back, watch & learn. Sandow again demands silence. Then Sandow gets a set of bolt cutters from under the table & cuts the rope open. Then he says you’re welcome. Then Sheamus says that Sandow got him & Striker. Sheamus says how smart that was. Then he says that he will be the bigger man here. He says that Sandow is the better man. So saying that he thinks that he should congratulate Sandow right now. Then he goes to give Sandow the Brogue Kick but Sandow bails. Then Sandow says he knew that Sheamus would resort to brute force when he couldn’t meet the mental challenge. Every single time Sheamus can’t handle a mental challenge he resorts to brute force & Sheamus could never ever beat Sandow’s mental challenge. But considering that Sheamus is out there in front of the fans at least he is not alone. Sheamus then says to Striker that Sandow taught them a thing or 2. Sheamus is always open to learning new things. That’s how we progress in life. So how about Sheamus returns the favor & teaches Sandow a little something about Newton’s Law. Sandow says he knows Newton’s Law. Then Sheamus chucks Striker out of the ring onto Sandow. Then Sheamus says here’s a law for ya. Gravity. What goes up must come down. This was a really long & pointless segment!      

Chris Jericho vs. Big Show. Jericho wins by count out.  They fought on the outside & Jericho gave Big Show a code breaker, causing Big Show to fall over the time keeper barrier. Then Jericho got back in the ring & beat the count. Afterwards Big Show gets a steel chair but Jericho slide kicks the chair into Big Show’s side. Then Jericho takes the chair & hits Big Show in the back. Then Big Show heads up the ramp as Jericho poses in the ring with the chair. This was a solid match & the post match bit with the chair was decent.  

Time for a look back at Paul Heyman announcing Curtis Axel as his new client & Triple H getting woozy in his match with Curtis.

Curtis Axel & Paul Heyman come to the ring. Heyman says who he is & he serves as the humble visionary known around the world as Brock’s advocate. He is also rightfully credited for bringing in CM Punk & being behind the greatest WWE Title reign. Heyman is the most exclusive manager in history. He managed 2 of the 3 main events at this years Mania. So when he points his finger at someone & says that’s the next Mania main eventer you can invest your money in that stock. Heyman has invested his money in the stock that is known as Curtis Axel. The reason the fans boo him is because of what he did to HHH. He doesn’t wanna be the guy to brag about that, so he will let Curtis say it himself. Curtis says his name & says that in 1 day he accomplished more than his dad & grandfather have done combined. He took a shot at HHH & left him dazed & confused. So he was the winner of that match. Heyman applauds. Curtis says that was just day 1. This was a solid promo.  

Sin Cara vs. Curtis Axel. Curtis gets the pin. This was mostly a squash.

Kofi Kingston vs. U.S. Champion Dean Ambrose for the Title. Kofi wins by DQ when Rollins & Reigns attack Kofi. Then Orton’s music plays & he hits the ring (Why do they play the guy’s theme music when someone comes out for a run in)? He goes after The Shield but the get the upper hand. Then cue Sheamus’ music & he storms the ring. He goes after Ambrose and he & Orton clean house on The Shield. Then out comes Teddy Long. He says that this show is not going to end like that. Since all 6 guys are already out there we’re going to have a 6 man tag right now. The match was really short but I was ok with the brawl that led to the 6 man tag.

Kofi Kingston, Randy Orton & Sheamus vs. U.S. Champion Dean Ambrose and WWE Tag Team Champions Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns. The Shield wins when Ambrose pins Kofi. This was a good match. The Shield poses in the ring with the gold to end the show.

I thought this was a mediocre show at best this week. The Miz TV segment was weak, The Miz-Barrett match was decent but having Fandango dancing & his music playing during the match was stupid. The post match with Fandango & Barrett double stomping Miz & then Barrett giving Fandango the bull hammer was decent though. Kofi-Ambrose was short & a way to set up the 6 man tag. The 6 man tag main event was good. The Shield is easily the best group of heels in WWE. The Kane-Daniel backstage segment was decent too & the Daniel-Swagger match was solid. Jericho-Big Show was solid too & Jericho running Big Show off with the chair that Big Show tried to use was also decent. The Sheamus-Sandow segment was way too long & totally pointless. The Heyman-Curtis promo was solid. Heyman was good on the mike as usual & Curtis was ok too. The Cara-Curtis match was mostly a squash however. I’m really hoping that they do more with Joe Hennig now that Heyman is his manager. Overall I thought this week’s show was hit & miss.