5-13-13 Raw results and thoughts

Coverage and thoughts on the May 13, 2013 episode of Raw

 The show starts with Jerry Lawler in the ring. He says at Extreme Rules Chris Jericho will face Fandango. In Fandango’s first match, which was at WrestleMania, he accomplished the “impossible.” They show him beating Jericho at WrestleMania. King says there’s been a lot of animosity between the 2 since that night. Fandango’s been showing off his dancing “skills” but Jericho was on Dancing with the Stars. Tonight we will find out who is the better dancer when they meet in a dance off right now. Out come Fandango & Summer Rae. (They’re really starting the show with this? Well I guess it’s better to get this dreck out of the way!). King says that was pretty impressive. Then King brings out Jericho & his dance partner. King says each contestant has a minute & a half to perform a dance routine and the winner will of course be chosen by the fans. King says this isn’t a popularity contest. King mentions that Fandango lost a dance off to Khali. Fandango says he wasn’t defeated by that clumsy guy. That crowed knew nothing of talent. The fans in Tulsa might not like him but they have to respect his performance as an artist. King asks if he’s confident he will beat Jericho tonight. Fandango says as long as there’s a Chris Jericho there will always be someone better and his name is Fandango. King asks Jericho if he has any response. Jericho says this might be a dance of but welcome to Raw is Jericho. Jericho has had a lot of impressive wins on Raw including beating King in musical chairs. Then he outsmarted Bob Barker to become the Price is Raw champion or whatever. Jericho says this Sunday he will create a new dance sensation that will go to number 1 on I tunes. It will be called the I just kicked your jackass all over this ring. This Sunday Jericho will dance all over Fandango’s face & he will never eeeeeeever be the same again. King says earlier in the night there was a coin toss to see who goes first & it will be Fandango. Fandango & Summer Rae do their dance bit. Actually Fandango doesn’t do anything right away because the fans booed him. He tells them he needs to focus and wants silence. (I want this horrible sack of crap to end)! Then Fandango & Rae do their bit but Rae falls & twists her ankle. Fandango tells her to stop messing around. Then Jericho’s dance partner checks on her. Fandango says this has nothing to do with her. The fans chant you suck and boo this crap. Jericho checks on Summer Rae and then Fandango gives Jericho a big boot and pounds on him. Then he throws him into the announce table and then Irish Whips him into the steel steps. The fans chant you can’t dance to Fandango and then he sends Jericho into the barricade. Then he picks up a piece of the dance floor that was set up in the ring & blasts Jericho with it in the head. Then Summer Rae gets up & we find out this all a crappy act! This was f***ing terrible! That’s all I got to say about this! Oh wait 1 more thing. Hey Vince this horrible crap isn’t what ANY fan wants to see!!! Last week the show started with that awful Cena-Ryback-Vickie Guerrero segment & this week it started with this crap fest? I’m not sure which of the 2 was worse!

Zack Ryder vs. Ryback. Ryback gets the pin. This was a squash. No surprise there.

Time for a look back at Lesnar “breaking” Triple H’s arm from last April.

Brodus Clay & Tensai vs. The Primetime Players. The Primetime Players win when Titus pins Brodus. Darren hit Brodus with his comb and then Titus rolled him up for the pin. This was a short match & was surprised Darren & Titus won.

They show Jack Swagger hitting Dolph Ziggler with a ladder from last week’s Raw and then they show Swagger kicking Dolph in the head from Smackdown. The commentators say that Dolph got a concussion. There will be announcement regarding the world title match tonight.

Matt Striker is on the stage & he brings out Teddy Long. Striker says wwe.com is reporting that Dolph will not be cleared to wrestle for Extreme Rules. Long has made a decision about what to do about this match. Out come Jack & Zeb. Zeb says that if Dolph can’t wrestle then Swagger should be champion since he laid out Dolph. Big E says the title isn’t going anywhere. AJ says Swagger shouldn’t be rewarded. She says that Swagger should be fired. Long says Dolph will not be stripped of the title. Swagger will face Del Rio in a number 1 contenders “I Quit” match. Also tonight, Big E will face either Del Rio or Swagger. That decision will made by the fans who vote on the App. This was a bit better than what we’ve seen but it wasn’t great. I’m really hoping that Dolph will be ok soon!

They announce that Kofi Kingston will defend the U.S. Title against Dean Ambrose at Extreme Rules. They mention that this match came to be because Ambrose pinned Kofi in the 6 man tag last week. News flash WWE. A few weeks ago Roman Reigns pinned John Cena, you know the WWE Champion in a 6 man tag. Doesn’t that mean Reigns should get a WWE Title match? I know that’s too logical for WWE but I’m just saying!

Out comes Damien Sandow. He will not sing tonight because Kofi’s song much like his U.S. Title reign is foolish. The founding fathers were all men of their words. Sandow tells Kofi to mark his word. He says that Kofi’s reign as U.S. Champion will come to an end. You’re welcome

U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow. Kofi gets the pin. This was a decent but short match. I have no idea why Sandow is being buried.

Mark Henry is in the ring. Josh Mathews says in 6 nights Mark goes 1 on 1 with Sheamus in strap match. Time for a look at how this match came to be. They show Mark Henry whipping Sheamus with a belt from last Monday. Henry says if you thought what happened last week was something then wait till you see what he does to Sheamus at Extreme Rules. If you don’t think he will drag Sheamus’ carcass around this ring then have a look at what he did on Smackdown. Then they show Henry pulling the 2 trucks from Smackdown. Josh says that was incredible but how will he beat Sheamus? Henry will show us. He tells Josh to tie the strap to his wrist. Henry says 2 men will be bound by a 12 foot strap. Then Henry clotheslines Josh. Then he says you walk around this ring & touch all 4 corners, which he does as he drags Josh around. That’s how you win. Then Henry pulls the strap of Josh’s wrist. Henry is feeling generous. How about Sheamus comes out here right now & let Henry finish what he started last week. Henry hasn’t got all day. Henry says Sheamus knows where his bread is buttered. You don’t come out when the World’s strongest man…Cue Sheamus’ music and out he comes. He says that Mark might be strong but he’s not that bright. If what Henry did to him was going to stop him from being at Extreme Rules, Mark’s wrong. Henry tells Sheamus to get in the ring. Sheamus asks Henry if he thinks this is a fair fight. Then Henry calls him a coward. Sheamus says he’s never backed down from a fight & Mark just talked him into it. Sheamus tells “lumpy” to back up so he can get in the ring. Then Sheamus says that he has a present for Henry under the ring. He takes out a strap. Then he gets in the ring & hits Henry with it. Henry then rolls out of the ring. This was weak. They had Sheamus again take this too lightly. Henry was good here though.

Time for a look back at the Raw from January where Brock gave Vince the F5.

Now time for a look at 12 Rounds 2 starring Randy Orton.

Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro. Orton gets the pin. This was a decent match but I knew but I knew Orton was winning. I don’t know why they’re burying Cesaro either!

The Miz vs. Heath Slater. Miz wins by submission. This was ok but I knew Miz was winning.

Time for a look back at the awesome HHH-Lesnar brawl from a Raw in February.

Just announced for Extreme Rules: Kane & Daniel Bryan defend the tag title against Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins in a tornado match.

WWE Champion John Cena and WWE Tag Team Champions Kane & Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield in a 6 man tag team elimination match. Cena wins by DQ. * Kane was eliminated by DQ. He brawled with The Shield on the floor. He took the top of the announce table & hit Ambrose with it * Ambrose pinned Daniel * Cena pinned Rollins * Reigns was eliminated by DQ when he pushed the referee out of the way & speared Cena (LAME!). * Ambrose is eliminated by DQ when Rollins & Reigns come in. Cena had Ambrose in the STF and then Rollins & Reigns attacked Cena. Afterwards The Shield gives Cena the triple power bomb. Then Ryback comes out & gets in the ring. He stares at the fallen Cena and then leaves the ring. Then he gets a chair, gets back in the ring & hits Cena in the injured ankle with the chair. Then Ryback is on the stage & says it’s his life & his rules. Ryback rules. This was a really good match. I liked that they didn’t have the eliminations happen right away, but Reigns be eliminated by DQ from a spear was lame. I’m glad the didn’t have Cena vanquish all 3 Shield guys by himself! I was even ok with Ryback coming in & hitting Cena in the ankle with a chair. Too bad the Cena-Ryback match has had such a weak build.

Time for some still shots of the HHH-Brock Lesnar no holds barred match from WrestleMania. 

Backstage Matt Striker comes up to Ryback but Ryback cuts him off & says he’s tried doing the right thing but he was screwed out of the WWE Title. This Sunday Cena & everyone will know that Ryback rules. That catchphrase is lame.

Big E Langston & AJ Lee come to the ring. Who will Big E face next? Lawler gets the mic & says it’s time to find out who the fans picked. They picked Swagger. I gotta admit I was kinda surprised that the fans voted for the heel.

Big E Langston vs. Jack Swagger. Swagger wins by count out. This was decent. Then Del Rio & comes out & he & Swagger go at it. Swagger gets the ankle lock on Del Rio but then Ricardo hits Swagger with the bucket. Then Swagger lets Del Rio have it. Then Del Rio locks Swagger in the cross arm breaker. Then Big E breaks that up and then he goes after Swagger. Then Del Rio gives Big E an enziguri. Then Swagger goes for the doctor bomb on Del Rio but Del Rio escapes & clotheslines Swagger over the top rope to the floor.

Kaitlyn & The Bellas are on commentary for the next match. Khali & Hornswoggle are also at ringside.

 Natalya vs. AJ Lee. AJ wins by submission. This was ok & AJ pulled the octopus submission hold. Kaitlyn also got another gift from her unknown admirer.

Backstage Matt Striker is with Jericho. He asks Jericho if he felt foolish about what happened at the start of the show. Jericho blames himself for what happened. He will no longer play by other people’s rules. There will be no more jokes. He knows how to say Fandango’s name. Jericho is a 6 time world champion & has done it all in WWE. This Sunday if Fandango wants to dance Jericho will teach him Chris Jericho style.

Triple H comes to the ring. Then the cage lowers. Break time.

Back from break & HHH is in the cage. He says he & Brock have been at war for a year. They’ve bled & broken bones but they haven’t settled anything. This Sunday everything will be settled. The ring is his home. He grew up in the ring & he learned to fight & be a man in the ring. But he was told by a guy who respected him that he had to learn to hate and he has. He has learned to also thrive on that hate. He says that Brock is here, he’s here, the fans are here & more importantly the steel is here. Nowhere did he feel more at home than in the ring when it was surrounded by steel. HHH is home, why doesn’t Brock try to come & take it. Out come Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman. Heyman starts to say who he is but HHH tells him to zip it. Then he tells Brock to get in the ring & “let’s do this.” Heyman says he & Brock are about those perverse pleasures in life. Like HHH using the word hate, which is a forbidden word in WWE. HHH & Brock hate each other & this Sunday Brock will teach HHH the true meaning of hate because Brock is a cage fighting carnivore & HHH is the biggest slab of meet in WWE. After Sunday HHH will hate facing his family after Brock leaves him battered & disfigured. He will hate facing Vince for letting down the fans. One man will emerge from this war & 1 man will have to face the fact that they will go down in history as the loser. The guy who will be the loser will be HHH & Heyman knows HHH will hate that. Brock is ready for a fight. A fight that we’ll have to wait till Sunday for because Brock doesn’t for free. HHH then says all this time he’s been thinking why Brock wouldn’t face him like a man. Hunter says the truth is it has nothing to do with Brock, it’s because Heyman can’t afford him to do that. At Mania HHH did the unthinkable by knocking Brock out cold & beating him. Heyman knows if Brock gets in this cage right now & maybe HHH kicks his ass one more time that wouldn’t bode too well for Heyman. Even worse if HHH beats Brock Sunday the sound will be Brock’s mystic flying out the window. HHH says Brock still believes that he is the baddest man standing out there, but Heyman doesn’t. HHH isn’t talking to Heyman any longer. He asks Brock if he is going to try to show the world that he is Brock Lesnar the beast, or will he listen to Heyman & be Brock the b**ch. Brock makes his way to the ring & Heyman tries to stop him as do referees. Brock goes to get in the cage as Heyman begs him not to. Then Brock gets in the cage. Hunter & Brock go face to face and then the go at it. Then Brock goes to hit HHH against the cage but HHH moved & sent Brock head first into it. Then HHH sends Brock out the cage door. Then Brock & Heyman head up the ramp. HHH climbs the cage & he stares down Brock as his theme music plays. This ends the show. This was really good. They did a great job with the final build to this match & I hope this match closing the Extreme Rules PPV.

I thought this a very mixed bag show this week. The Jericho-Fandango dance off was awful & a total waste of 20 minutes. The HHH-Brock bit at the end however was really well done. HHH cut a really intense promo & of course Heyman’s promo was great too. Then having Hunter & Brock go at it in the cage for that short bit was also good. The 6 man elimination tag was also a good match. I liked that the eliminations weren’t right away & there was some good action in this 1. I thought the way Reigns got eliminated was kinda weak but aside from that I enjoyed the match. I’m also glad that they didn’t have Cena beat The Shield on his own. I was also ok with Ryback hitting Cena in the injured ankle with the chair. The Tons of Funk-Primetime Players match was really short but I wasn’t expecting Darren & Titus to win, Kofi-Sandow was decent but short & I don’t know why they’ve de pushed Sandow. Both Orton-Cesaro & Miz-Slater were decent but I knew who was winning those matches. I’m also not sure why Cesaro has been de pushed either. Ryder-Ryback was a squash. No shocker there. The bit with Swagger, Coulter, Big E, AJ & Teddy Long on the stage was decent too & I liked that he announced Del Rio vs. Swagger in a number 1 contenders “I Quit” match at Extreme Rules. I’m really hoping that Dolph recovers from this concussion soon too! I was surprised that the fans picked Swagger to face Big but the match was decent & I was ok with the count out finish. Natalya-AJ was ok too & I liked that AJ used the Octopus submission hold for the win. Mark Henry dragging Josh Mathews around the ring wasn’t really much & The Sheamus-Mark Henry segment was kinda weak. I thought Henry was good here but I don’t get why they’re having Sheamus take him so lightly. Overall I thought this week’s show had its up & downs for sure but I thought they did a decent job with the final Raw build for Extreme Rules.