1-28-13 Raw results and thoughts

       Coverage and thoughts on the January 28, 2013 episode of Raw

The show starts with Vickie in the GM office with 3 roulette wheels. She says that tonight’s event will be out of her hands. There are 3 wheels. The wheel of superstars, the wheel of stipulations and the wheel of Vickie. Tonight Antonio Cesaro will face Randy Orton. She spins the wheel and it lands on guest referee.

CM Punk & Paul Heyman come to the ring. Punk says this is day 435 of his title reign. He did not lose. He beat Rock and is the new people’s champion. He screams that he did not lose. Punk says fans want to get behind a cheater, someone who pin the champion without help. The fans are all cheaters just like Vince & Rock. Punk was champion for 434 and never had to have any match restarted illegally. Punk says he screwed in Phoenix just like Bret in Montreal. Punk says Rock’s gonna come out & they’re gonna throw a party. Punk says that in his world there are no restarts, or water breaks. HHHHe will crash the party. Then Vince comes out. Punk screams to Vince that he is a thief. Vince says that Vince has a video tape that he got from a mystery source, proving that Punk is aligned with The Shield. Heyman says if I may, Vince says he may not. Vince then tells Heyman that there will be a performance review. This could lead to Heyman’s termination. Thankfully this was a lot shorter than I thought it would be. Punk was good on the mic as usual. I have a feeling the Vince-Heyman segment is going to be painful though.

Randy Orton vs. U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro with guest referee, The Miz. (Really? As he would say). Orton gets the pin to win the title. The match was solid but did they have to have Cesaro lose to Orton? Naturally Miz & Cesaro had words & that lead to Orton hitting Cesaro with the RKO for the pin. Afterwards Miz picks up Cesaro & gives him the Skull Crushing Finale. I have know idea why the buried Cesaro tonight!

Back to the roulette wheels. The Vickie wheel lands on “Make me laugh.” The camera pans to Ryback. She tells Ryback to make her laugh. He snorts & walks out.

Then Ryback comes to the ring. Break time. Back from break & The Primetime Players are in the ring & so is Matt Striker. They will face Ryback in a “Make me laugh” challenge. (How about a make it stop challenge!) The Players go first. Titus asks what’d a woman say to Striker when he asked her out on a date. Daren says anybody got time for that. The fans boo and Titus says they wouldn’t know entertainment if it hit them in the face. Ryback’s turn. He says what has 4 eyes, 20 fingers & is about to be unconscious? The Players go after Ryback but he makes short work of them & gives Titus Shell Shock. Feed him more. Striker says that made him laugh so Ryback wins the challenge. Then Ryback kicks Striker in the gut and then gives him Shell Shock too. This was really idiotic!! Vince has truly lost his mind if he thinks this crap is actually funny!

They show a Bob Backlund video package. This was really good and it really shows how bad this show has been so far.

Back to the wheel. It lands on Player’s choice. Wade Barrett gets to pick who he will face next.

Wade Barrett is in the ring. He wants to fight the NXT rookie Bo Dallas. Las night was the greatest moment for Dallas when he eliminated Barrett in the rumble match. Tonight Barrett will end his career with the Barrett Barrage. Then out comes Bo Dallas

Bo Dallas vs. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett. Dallas gets the pin. This was solid. Barrett dominated most of this and then Dallas hit an out of nowhere snap power slam for the pin. It looks like they’re going to have a Dallas-Barrett program for the Intercontinental Title

Back to Vickie spinning the wheel. It lands on John Cena. Then the camera shows Cody Rhodes. He will face Cena next (and more than likely get squashed & made to look like a jobber because no one can beat Super Cena)!

They show that Cena is now on the box of Fruity & cocoa pebbles and then they have a tale of the tape for Cena & Fred Flintstone. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes. Cena gets the pin. During the match Cody gets the mic and says this is a waste “of Cody Rhodes” and is leaving. He goes to leave but Cena throws him back in the ring. Then he gives Cody the AA for the pin. This was terrible too! Cody got buried by Super Cena!

Then Cena gets the mic (I’m dreading this promo)! He says that by the sound of it some of the fans didn’t pick him to win the rumble. The other 29 guys can come out and say they should have won the rumble, but he can say that he did win. Throwing Ryback over the top was a big step but only the first 1. The next step is to issue a challenge to the champion of their choosing to face at WrestleMania. This is the most difficult decision for him because World Title aside either person holds the WWE Championship going into WrestleMania will be Punk or Rock. Cena says that Punk has beaten him every time. Then he says Rock is a man who he openly spoke about before Rock returned to WWE because he wanted Rock to challenge him. Cena mentions how important that night was to him. For 1 year he jousted with The Rock and Cena says there were moments when Rock couldn’t carry his jock strap. Then on April 1 it was all for nothing because he lost. The fans chant Rocky. Cena says he has a difficult choice and what better to understand that than Las Vegas. Which title should he challenge for? The World Title, which he knows he can win, or the WWE Title, which he has no chance of winning. He looks at the WrestleMania sign, the fans chant Rocky & Cena says he will challenge the WWE Champion. This goes as a message to Punk & Rock. They’re both marked men by Cena.

Then out come The Shield through the crowed. He brings the fight to them but they get the upper hand. Then out comes Sheamus and The Shield triple team him. Then out comes Ryback. He throws Ambrose & Rollins out of the ring. Then fights with Reigns. The other 2 pull Ryback out of the ring and get the advantage. They send Ryback into the steel steps. Then they send Sheamus into the post. Cena tries to make a comeback but The Shield get the upper hand & give Super Cena the triple power bomb. Cena’s promo was not as bad as last week’s but it still made no sense. Rock wasn’t in his league when they had their back & forth promos? Who is he kidding!? Rock had to dumb down his promos so Cena could keep up with him! I guess Punk will get his rematch against Rock for the title the way Cena was yapping. When The Shield came out I was worried that he was gonna squash them too, but they got the upper hand. Then having Sheamus & Ryback come out to brawl with The Shield was solid too. It looks like they might have Cena, Sheamus & Ryback vs. The Shield. That should be in a war games elimination chamber match.

Back to Vickie & the wheel. It lands on lingerie pillow fight. The camera pans to Tensai. He says he’s a monster. Brodus Clay is in there too. Tensai walks out & Vickie tells Brodus that she won’t let them be in that kind of match. Brodus spins the Vickie Wheel & it lands on dance off. He will tell Tensai about the change. God help me!!

Out comes Brodus Clay (This match is going to be just as idiotic as the rest of this show has been)! Break time (For me too. A break from this crap)!

Back from break. Jerry Lawler is in the ring & so is Tensai. Tensai says, “Let’s just get this over with.” (My thoughts exactly)! Then Tensai de robes and has a lingerie top on. King tells him it’s a dance off now. Brodus forgot to tell him. King says each guy will get 15 seconds to dance (And pretty much make me sicker than I’m already feeling). Brodus dances first. Tensai wants nothing to do with this. King tells him what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. King promises. Brodus tells Tensai to give hip a little tap. Then Tensai, Brodus & the chicks dance for a bit (Michael Cole said this is god awful and that someone should blow up the roulette wheel. I totally agree). Then they show Ron Simmons watching backstage on a monitor and he says “damn.” This was really awful and I mean really really awful! King said what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? I say whatever the hell happens in Vince’s f’d up head should stay in his head!! GOD HELP ME PLEASE!!!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS!!!

Back to the wheel. It lands on body slam challenge. The camera then pans to Alberto Del Rio. Vickie tells Del Rio that she’s seen a few tricks but Del Rio slamming Big Show will be the biggest trick she will ever see. Del Rio says in Vegas anything can happen.

World Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show in a body slam challenge. Show swats away Ricardo. Del Rio & Show go at it for a bit and then Show gives Del Rio the KO punch. Then Show gets some tape. Ricardo tries to do something and Show kicks him. Then Show tapes Del Rio’s wrist to the rope. Ricardo crawls over to Del Rio and Show kicks him and throws him back to the corner. Then he gives Ricardo a chop and Ricardo falls. Big Show continues to pound Ricardo as Alberto can only watch. Then Show throws Ricardo into the ring barrier. Then he throws Ricardo back in the ring & slams him. Then Big Show kicks Del Rio a couple times and then puts more tape on Del Rio’s already taped wrist. Then Show picks up Ricardo & chops him to the mat. Then he picks up Ricardo, screams at Del Rio for making a fool out of him and then he gives Ricardo the KO punch. Then Show grabs Del Rio’s leg & kicks him down. Del Rio tries to fight back but Show keeps kicking and then he gives Del Rio the KO punch. This was a good segment. I’m glad they had something good on here but God knows how many fans might have turned the show off already. I’m really curious how bad the viewing number for hour 3 will be. Despite the rest of this show sucking, this was a better segment. Big Show did a good job here being all pissed off & having him tape Del Rio to the ropes and then beat down Ricardo was well done.

The Divas are surrounding the ring in Las Vegas show girl costumes for a Las Vegas Lumber Jill match.

Divas Champion Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka. Naturally the other Divas get in the ring and start brawling with each other and the match was a no finish. This was just as terrible as the rest of this show.

The Rock comes to the ring (I really hope to God this will be entertaining)! The fans go nuts for him and he soaks it in. He says there’s only 1 word that can describe tonight’s spirit. 1 word that symbolizes his entire journey. That word is finally. “Finally The Rock has come back to Las Vegas! And Finally The Rock is WWE Champion“. The fans chant Rocky. Rocks says from 1998 to 2003 he won the WWE Title 7 times and after 10 years he can say that this is the proudest moment. He’s thanked his friends and family. Now he thanks the fans. For 434 days Punk came out and ran his mouth saying the fans didn’t count. Rock says that those crap days are over. No longer will Punk come out running his mouth with Heyman. Then Rock rags on Heyman. Tonight we user in The People’s Era. Tonight he & the fans will celebrate. Then CM Punk comes out. He tells the fans no one asked them for their irrelevant opinion. He tells Rock for 434 days he made that title special. Rock didn’t win the title. It was handed to him just like everything has. If Rock were a man he would recognize that the WWE Title is prestigious because Punk made it that way. If Rock had any respect for his father or grandfather he would give Punk back the title and then apologize for tarnishing what Punk made so great. Rock says if Punk had an ounce of man hood he would walk down that ramp and come and take it. Rock tells Punk he has 2 choices. He can face like a man in the ring or he stand on the stage like a punk ass b***ch. Punk goes to ringside but then says he will stand on the stage because CM Punk doesn’t do things on Rock’s terms. Punk does things when he wants to. He might grant Rock a rematch. Punk will grant Rock his rematch in 3 weeks. He tells Rock to show up if he dares. Rock says Punk’s got the match but isn’t taking the title. The only thing Punk will be taking is the beating of life time. “If ya smell what The Rock is cookin!” This was really good. Both guys were great on the mic as usual. I’m hoping their match at Elimination Chamber will be as good as their Rumble match was.

They show Damien Sandow spinning the wheel courtesy of WWE App. It lands on Tables match. Vickie says tonight’s match will be a tables match. Sandow says, “How observant of you.”

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow in a tables match. Sheamus wins when puts Sandow through a table in the corner. This was a solid match.

Lawler, Ryder, Khali, Hornswoggle & Natalya are in the ring. King says Khali & Ryder will each sing a WWE super star’s theme. Khali goes first. He will be singing Shawn Michaels theme. Khali was way off. This is really terrible. Then out come 3MB. Slater has a question. “Are you kidding me?” They get in the ring and Drew says, “You call this music?” Jinder says 3MB is music. Ryder says he’s a pop artist & he wrote his own song. Khali likes head banging. Heath says they’re the real singers or whatever. Then Khali chops McIntyre. Then Slater & Jinder go after Khali & Ryder. Khali chops Slater & then Hornswoggle gives Slater a tadpole splash. Cole apologizes to the fans for this dreck. Vince should be the guy who apologizes for this idiotic show!

Chris Jericho comes to the ring (This has got to be better than the karaoke segment). The fans chant Y2J. He welcomes everyone to Raw is Jericho. He says it’s great to be back in WWE. He was only gone for 6 months but it felt like 6 years. Last night at the rumble was 1 of the greatest moments of his career. He thanks the fans and says that it will be something he will never EVER forget again! Then out come Dolph, Langston & AJ. Dolph says he’s glad Jericho had a great time before he eliminated him. Then he asks Jericho what he’s doing here because he doesn’t work here anymore. AJ says that she was Raw GM at the time & she was the one who personally got Y2J terminated. Jericho tells “Ziggy” to put AJ on a leash. Langston tells Jericho to leave before he ruins his return. Jericho asks what the E in his name stands for. He says he can put a giant drink on his pecks. Dolph says Jericho doesn’t belong there anymore. Then Vickie shows up on the Tron and says that she signed Jericho. Then she spins the wheel and it lands on strange bed fellows. That means Jericho & Dolph will be teaming up & will face Kane & Daniel Bryan. The champs come to the ring. This was a bit weak. I’m not a fan of the “Guys feuding team up” bit. Jericho’s promo felt kind of forced & I wasn’t into him commenting on Big E’s pecks. That came off lame. They’re also continuing to make Dolph look really weak.

WWE Tag Team Champions Kane & Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler. Kane & Daniel win when Kane pins Dolph. This was pointless. Kane & Daniel argued and shoved each other. Then Jericho hit Kane in the back and then tagged in Dolph. Jericho walked up the ramp. Kane thought Dolph hit him and then he choke slammed Dolph for the pin.

Trish Stratus is the latest inductee into the 2013 WWE Hall of Fame. They show a video package for Trish. 3 for 3 so far. Trish is also a well deserving Hall of Fame talent. She’s easily 1 of the best female wrestlers/all around female performers. This was really well done.

Vince is in the ring. He says everybody knows he loves to have fun. The best place for that is in Las Vegas. He tells Heyman to come on down and that Punk was escorted out of the arena. Vince tells Heyman to come out and they don’t have all night. Out comes Paul Heyman. He gets a slight ECW chant. Heyman offers Vince his hand. Vince asks the fans if he should. They say no but Vince does. Then he gives Heyman the mic so he can squirt some disinfectant on his hands. He asks Heyman if he’s ever had The Shield or Brad Maddox under contract. Heyman thanks Vince for letting him come out here, look Vince in the eye and settle this once and for all. Then Heyman says that he’s had nothing to do with Maddox or The Shield. Vince asks if Heyman has ever lied. Heyman says in the MSG dressing room he heard Vince sr. say something about adversity. Heyman says he has lied every day of his life because he is a promoter. That’s what promoters do. He doesn’t regret it but he swears to Vince that he is not lying now. Vince asks if Heyman’s an honorable man. Heyman says he’s trying to and maybe he can learn from Vince (Yeah right). He says if takes being honorable to remain in WWE then that’s what he will be. Vince has the camera zoom in on Heyman’s face. Vince then has the footage he talked about before be played. They show Heyman with Maddox. Heyman says when he & Punk came to him, he was floundering in NXT. They paid him to do a job. When they paid The Shield they got the job done. They’re more affective than Maddox is. Then The Shield shows up & Maddox says he will leave. Heyman tells him to take this beating like a man. He wants Maddox to chalk this up to a learning experience. Then The Shield beat on Maddox. The fans chant you got busted at Heyman. Vince tells Heyman this is a personal performance review. Heyman says that wasn’t him. Then he screams to the fans that his career is on the line. He says that Vince knows what it’s like to be falsely accused. Heyman says that he has a thick New York Jewish accent that is easy to imitate. There are a lot of impersonators in Vegas. Heyman says he is being set up because of his success with ECW & with Punk. Vince asks if that was Maddox & The Shield. Heyman says it was, but that wasn’t Heyman. Vince asks the fans if Heyman’s lying and if he deserves to be fire. They all cheer of course. Vince has to wish Heyman well in his future endeavors. In other words….Then Brock Lesnar comes out. The fans chant Lesnar. Brock gets in Vince’s face and the 2 stare at each other. Vince says if he were Brock he wouldn’t do something he would regret. Heyman says he has this under control and begs Brock to leave the ring. Then Brock picks up Vince & gives him an F5. Heyman tells Lesnar no more and pleads with him to back off. Brock walks out of the ring to end the show. I wasn’t into this. It was more of Vince berating Heyman. Heyman was good with his promo as usual but Vince was really hard to take. Him asking Heyman if he ever lied was stupid since we all know Vince has many times. Heyman saying that he can learn to be an honorable man from Vince was idiotic too. I liked Brock Lesnar coming out however & thought him giving Vince the F5 & Heyman getting hysterical was good.

I wasn’t into this week’s show overall. There was a lot of dreck on here. The Ryback-Primetime Players “Funny man” contest, The Brodus-Tensai bit, Khali, Ryder & 3MB were all a complete waste of time!! I liked Big Show taping Del Rio’s wrist to the rope and then Big Show beating on Ricardo while Del Rio couldn’t do anything. The Rock-Punk segment was good. They were both good on the mic like always. The Jericho-Dolph segment I thought was weak & the “Strange bedfellows” tag match was pointless. They continue to make Dolph look like a loser. Orton-Cesaro was ok but having Miz be the referee & Cesaro losing was idiotic too. Sheamus-Sandow was solid, Kaitlyn-Tamina wasn’t much. Having the other Divas in the show girl costumes was idiotic also. I liked the video package for Trish too. Cena’s promo was a bit long & I knew that he was going to go for the WWE Title. I was fine with The Cena, Ryback & Sheamus brawl with The Shield however. On the whole though I thought this week’s show was really painful to watch!