1-17-13 Impact results and thoughts

         Coverage and thoughts on the January 17, 2013 episode of Impact

They have the Impact Zone all decorated for the Bully Ray-Brooke Hogan “wedding.”  This is gonna be painful! How come Ray gets to have a “wedding ceremony” if he’s “suspended?”

They show “earlier today” with Bully Ray looking at some suits and Spike Dudley comes in. Then Tommy Dreamer. They all hug Ray has their tuxes. Ray says the night’s just begun. I liked seeing Spike & Dreamer.

They show Brooke getting ready in the Knockouts locker room. Tessmacher asks if Hulk will be there. Brooke doesn’t say anything. This was lame.

The actual show starts with Jeff Hardy coming to the ring. He says “How about that Genesis main event?” Then for some reason the fans chant he’s still got it. Jeff says the odds were stacked against him but he & the creatures prevailed. Aries & Roode are 2 of the best wrestlers on the planet but he is still world champion. He can’t thank the fans enough. In the ring he fights through pain for the fans and being champion he’s always ready to fight. Then out come Daniels & Kazarian. Kazarian says in just 1 week Daniels will bring the fight to Jeff and will take the TNA World Title. Daniels says he hears “Jefferson” bragging about beating Aries & Roode. He didn’t think Jeff was a bragger. Daniels says he can brag too. He brags about beating AJ Styles & James Storm. He didn’t need any creatures either. He says the creatures are creatures of habit and their habit is losing. Daniels says their all losers just like AJ, Storm & Jeff. Once Daniels wins the title next Thursday he will give them permission to worship him. Jeff says they can do this right now. They double team Jeff for a bit and then James Storm hits the ring and Daniels & Kazarian bail. Then Storm says if Daniels & Kazarian want to fight “Twiddle Dee & Twiddle Dumb” can face him 7 Jeff. Storm says this isn’t an option and to get ready to get their butts kicked. This was a good opening promo. Daniels & Kazarian were good as usual. I’m not sure why they have this tag match again since they just had this but it should be good.

TNA World Champion Jeff Hardy & James Storm vs. Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian. Jeff & Storm win when Jeff pins Kazarian. This was a good match. Afterwards Daniels hits Jeff in the back of the head. Then he gives him the Angels wings right on the “Jeff Hardy” belt. Daniels then covers Jeff while holding the TNA title.

Taz, Bruce & Al discuss the gut check and talk about how Jay Bradley & Brian Cage were.

Back to Ray, Spike & Dreamer backstage getting into their tuxes. Ray says that Spike reeks of booze. Joseph Park comes in. He & Ray had their differences but if it weren’t for Ray he wouldn’t be on the Impact roster. Ray thanks Joseph for the cigars. This was ok.

JB & the Gut Check judges are in the ring. JB introduces all 3 guys. Then JB brings out Brian Cage & Jay Bradley. JB says they had a competitive match last week but only 1 of them will face the judges. Bruce decides that. Bruce says he’s seen Jay for years but him winning wasn’t all they were looking for. Cage has all the tools and had a good outing but it wasn’t enough. Brian Cage is eliminated. Jay Bradley will face the judges. Time to vote. Taz goes first. He says the decision by the judges wasn’t unanimous so he votes no. Time for Jay to cut his promo. Bradley says he was all over the world. Japan, Europe and now he’s in the Impact Zone. He’s been trained by the best to be 1 of the best. He’s knocking on their door. If they let him in he will handle the rest. Al says Jay showed great talent and skill. He also had some charisma. Al votes yes. Time fro Bruce to break the tie. Bruce says that Jay has proven the fans care. He says Jay has guts. Bruce votes yes. So Jay Bradley gets a TNA contract. This was decent but I’m not sure why they had Jay cut a promo after 1 vote. Usually they have the guy cut the promo after 2 votes, if it’s a split decision.

Christian York vs. Kenny King. Kenny gets the pin. This was a solid match.

Ray is backstage with Sting. He says Hulk won’t respond to his text messages and voicemails. He asks Sting to talk to him because Brooke wants her dad by her side tonight. Sting says he will talk to Hulk.

Austin Aries is backstage. Roode comes in and says he looks good. Aries points out Roode doesn’t have the belt and they argue over who screwed who. Aries wants to know where their celebration is. Aries says they’ve been carrying this company for a year. Then Aries says they weren’t invited but he will wear black to the “wedding”. Roode go along with him. This was ok. Aries & Roode play well off of each other.

Camera guy catches up with Hulk Hogan in the parking lot. He asks if he will be at the wedding. Hulk tells him he has other stuff to do & tells the camera man to beat it. This was lame.

Back to Dreamer, Spike & Ray. Then Taz comes in. Taz asks if Ray called Paul. They all say that Paul would call back in 5 minutes. (I’m not sure what that joke meant). Then Ray says that Brooke is a wreck. They want Hulk to be by her side. Taz says Hulk is in a tough spot. Ray says that he begged Sting to talk to Hulk. Ray says that he’s marrying Brooke tonight and his “brothers” are there. This was ok.

Time for a video package on the Hulk-Brooke-Ray angle. This is terrible!

Sting comes to the ring. He says it feels great to be in the Impact Zone. Tonight isn’t an ordinary night, not that any night in the Impact Zone ever is. Love is in the air. There’s also some tension. Sting says Ray better start Praying and tells Hulk to come out because he needs to talk to him. Out comes The Hulkster. Hulk says they should get down to business. They’ve wrestled all over the world and traveled up and down every road. They’ve had people look them in the eye and tell them they love them and then they walk away. They’ve had people tell them they consider them friends and they stab him in the back. He tells Sting to lay it out straight Sting says that Ray has come to his aid, to Hulk’s & Brooke’s umpteen times. Sting asks Hulk what it’s gonna take. Hulk says it’s not just him. Everyone on social media says that he’s right not to trust Ray. The fans are telling him to watch out for himself and his family. When he gets around Ray there’s a vibe that comes off him that he won’t accept. He won’t trust Ray. Sting says Hulk needs to do this for himself and most of all for Brooke. The fans chant “do it.” Hulk says he will tell everyone that he always does the right thing “brother.” This was awful! This whole storyline is really idiotic!

Backstage Gail Kim asks Taryn Terrell how long she’s been there. T double says about 6 months. Gail says she’s been wrestling 13 years. Then they have a look at Taren costing Gail the gauntlet match. Terrell says Brooke Hogan granted Gail a number 1 contender match with Velvet for tonight. Taryn says that it will be called right down the middle. This was weak too.

They show clips of Bully Ray’s “bachelor party.”

Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim in a number 1 contender match for the Knockouts Title. Velvet gets the pin. This was solid too.

Backstage Dixie Carter is with Brooke Hogan. They gush. Dixie says how good Brooke looks. Brooke thanks Dixie. They cry and hug. This was another weak bit.

Time for the “wedding”. UGH!

First Roode’s music plays & he & Aries come out. They have a look at the wedding décor as they head to the ring. Roode says that everyone watching is about to see a celebration of a wedding between Ray & Brooke. Roode says the only celebration that should be happening is for them. If it weren’t for the 2 of them the fans wouldn’t be here. Roode is the longest reigning champion in TNA. Aries says that he beat Roode. Aries says they were the highlight of 2012 and they haven’t gotten any thanks for it. The lack of respect that TNA has for them has made them for a mutual respect. Aries says this company is going back 10 years. RVD is the X Champion, Devon is TV Champion, Hernandez & Chavo are the tag champions and the golden boy Jeff Hardy is world champion. Aries says they haven’t gotten the respect they deserve and it makes them sick. Roode says they object to this wedding. Then out come Hernandez & Chavo. Chavo says the tag champs also object. Not to the wedding. They like that. They object to the statements these 2 clowns are making about the champions of the company. There’s a reason Aries & Roode are no longer champions. Aries says he didn’t know the caterers were gonna come out and object to anything. Aries & Roode taunt the champs for a bit. Then the champs attack. Hernandez was going to Boarder Toss Aries but Roode makes the save and the heels bail. Aries & Roode were good here but I’m not sure why they had Hernandez & Chavo come out.

Hulk & Sting are in the GM office. Hulk’s trying to protect Brooke from the evil of this business. This isn’t about Ray. He knows how this movie ends for Brooke. Sting agrees but then mentions that Hulk has done such a good job of raising Brooke, that she can see the good and Ray Hulk can’t. Sting says Hulk’s wrong about Ray and he needs to walk Brooke down that aisle. Hulk says he always does the right thing for business and his family. This was lame. They actually had Sting say that Hulk did a good job of raising Brooke? ARE THE F’N KIDDING!?

Now it’s time for the dreaded “wedding.” The ring is all set up.

Out comes Bully Ray. Then out come Tommy Dreamer & Brooke Tessmacher. The fans chant Dreamer. Spike Dudley & Mickie James come out next. Then Taz & Christie Hemmie. Time for commercial. Will Hulk walk Brooke to the ring? We’ll find out NEXT! WHO CARES!? THIS IS BEYOND IDIOTIC!!

Back to the show. Out comes The Brookester. Then out come the Hulkster. Yay! He’s gonna walk Brooke down the aisle! The fans chant for Hulk to shake Ray’s hand. The “Priest” does the ceremony bit. Mark & Brooke will be united in Holy matrimony. They go through all the wedding stuff. The “Priest” says they were born as individuals and have learned to live together. They’ve learned to live and receive love in their lives. There’s no institution more sacred than marriage. Mark & Brooke may now express how they feel about each other with their vows. Brooke can’t believe this is happening. Ray came into her life like a burst of life. He makes her feel safe. He’s her best friend. She can’t imagine life without him. Ray says he started writing things down. Then he realized that she deserves to hear him speak from the heart. As soon as he laid eyes on her he knew she was for him. She makes him feel different and he loves her. The “Priest” asks if there are any objections about them being legally married. Then they get out the rings. Brooke is asked if she takes Mark to be her husband. She does. Ray is asked if he takes Brooke to be his wife. He does. Then Taz gets the mic. He has 2 questions. He asks Ray if he’s sure he wants to do this. Then Taz asks if it’s just him or is it hot in the building. Then Taz takes his jacket off and reveals he is wearing an Aces & 8s vest. Then Aces & 8s come in and attack. Knox & Doc kidnap Brooke and have her watch as her dad gets beaten. Hulk is lying on the mat and he tells Brooke to check on Ray. The “wedding party” is laying out cold in the ring to end the show. This was lousy but I admit I wasn’t expecting Taz to be part of Aces & 8s. Besides that surprise they completely wasted the last half hour of Impact with this dreck!

I wasn’t into this week’s show! There were only 3 matches! The opening segment with Jeff, Daniels & Kazarian was solid. Daniels & Kazarian were both good as usual. Jeff & Storm vs. Daniels & Kazarian was good too. Christian York-Kenny King was solid too and very well could have been the best part of this week’s show. The Taryn-Gail Kim bit was weak but the Velvet-Gail match was solid. Aries & Roode were really good in both the backstage and in ring promos. I’m not sure why they had them get laid out by Hernandez & Chavo though. I thought the gut check segment was decent too and I liked that Jay Bradley got a contract. Overall though I really thought this was a lousy & painful show this week!